Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! I have had a great week with friends and family and am again grateful for everyone and everything in my world. Not the least of which is that I am half-way done with my chemo treatments!
You heard me right, folks... I am past the .5 mark, over the hump, the glass is half-empty, comin' around the bend, in the home stretch... I had my third treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th and the Neulasta shot on Saturday and am doing well. The past two weeks have been packed with activity.
I was feeling great the week of my treatment and took full advantage of that time to get as much done at work as I could, shop for Christmas, meet up with friends in town for the holidays, and prep my house for my family. I felt like my old self - healthy and full of energy. So I acted accordingly.
During my treatment, I worked a bit and started on some holiday cards - again, totally productive. I knew I wasn't going to feel sick until Sunday, so I just kept going. I even picked up a set of figure skates and jumped on the ice by my house with the idea of getting in shape outdoors before I felt the effects on Sunday. (The actual skating activity was a tragedy as I haven't had skates on in, um, 19 years... but I WILL get back to skating like I used to...) I was up early, prepping an appetizer for a Christmas party on Saturday, met a friend for lunch, got my shot, went to said Christmas party and had a blast. Woke up on Sunday and went to my aunt's Christmas party and had a great time...
... and ran out of energy like a battery powered monkey toy when I got home. (remember that little monkey toy that always ran out of energy next to the Energizer Bunny? With the cymbals? Anyway...) I went to bed early on Sunday evening and slept basically until Wednesday. I tried to be productive when I was awake, but the treatment just wipes me out.
This round has left me a bit more tired, but still not physically ill. I have felt a bit more nauseous this time around, so I am taking more of the supplementary anti-sick pills they gave me and they have worked well. I can say the timing is somewhat in my favor as I haven't eaten nearly what I normally would during any other major holiday food fest.
Which brings me to another point. Can someone please tell me how, when I am going through chemotherapy, which is notorious for making people lose weight they don't want to lose, I manage to gain weight? Seriously? And no, it's not the differences in scales. It was the same scale. And no, I wasn't wearing heavier shoes. I took my shoes off. Three pounds? WTF? I am still eating, but I am eating less, and what I thought was healthier food (plus jello). I thought for sure that if I pushed my way through chemo, I would at least lose a few pounds as a consolation prize. But no. (And I am not seriously asking for someone to explain this - I don't really want to know. This is a mystery that I don't care to solve. I'll just complain about it.)
Back to the holiday. I did really well this week in my opinion - I kept up with everyone for the holiday celebrations and managed to feel generally well with the help of the anti-sick meds. My house was full to capacity and I loved every minute of it. Everyone was supposed to head back to North Dakota earlier today, but North Dakota was closed today, so they are leaving on Sunday instead in the hope that it re-opens at noon.
I am currently wiped out and so am going to cut this short, but I will update more often now that the holiday craziness has passed. I hope that everyone had a great holiday week with friends and family and that a great 2010 is in the cards!
Carrie
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A Quiet Week
It's been a quiet week on the health front - but that's better than loud, right?
I was in and out of the office this week and working from home otherwise. It feels good to have structure back into my day - and raise my intelligence level back up from the reality daytime TV gutter in which its been wallowing for the past while. It was proven this week that interaction with real, live adults cannot be replicated by pre-recorded TV, no matter how often I talk back to Judge whomever. I don't know how many times I have told Flavor Flav and Ray J that they won't find true love with women named "Like Dat" and "Hot Cocoa," and yet they never listen. I am also sure that I can determine the cause of death of a homicide victim if the cause is blunt force trauma and/or asphyxiation (resulting in the tell-tale petechial hemorrhaging in the eyeballs). Thank you, CSI Las Vegas, Miami, and New York... and all the Law & Orders, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Bones, and First 48. I never thought that I, too, could become so paranoid.
Funny story about the crime shows... When I went into the ER a few weeks ago, this team of young doctors came in to check me out. They were asking about my symptoms and what had been going on for the past week, so I was telling him about my post-chemo weirdness and mentioned my conversation a few days earlier with the nurse.
"... and she said that as my rash wasn't elevated or annoying that it was probably petechiae from my blood vessels..." (or something like that).
"Hm." pause. "Do you have advanced medical training of any kind?"
"Me? No. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you threw out "petechiae" like it was nothing..."
"Oh... I watch CSI." (Duh.)
He snorted and the doctors found it hilarious. Apparently I'm the only one who gets their medical terminology from TV? Or maybe I was the only one dumb enough to admit it...?
On a completely unrelated note, I want to thank the developers of my new favorite food group - Jello. I keep waiting to get tired of the colorful not-really-food option in my fridge, but I don't. Oh sure, some Jello flavors are better than others, hence my six boxes of Peach and Berry Blue that are now on hand at all times.
Did you know... that there is a quick-set method for Jello which involved ice cubes?
Did you know... that if your Jello freezes in the fridge, it breaks down and gets watery?
Did you know... that Jello makes seasonal flavors such as Pina Colada and Margarita?
Did you know... that you can use Vodka in place of water for... wait... of course you know that.
On yet another change of topic - I go in for my third (!!) chemo treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th, which will officially put me at half-way done. I can't believe it is going so quickly. Every day I wake up and wonder if today is the day when I will notice another change. I pay attention to my energy level, to my nose sniffle, to how food tastes and whether or not it makes me queasy enough to warrant an anti-nausea pill.
I've found that so far it's really just a crap shoot - one day I feel great and think how ridiculous it is that I am staying away from germs and really have this "cancer" thing. Another day, like Friday, I pay for "maybe overdo-ing it a bit" and don't have the energy to keep my eyes open at 7 o'clock at night. Some days I can eat anything and everything in sight, while other days the very thought of food makes me cringe and Jello is the only thing that sits well in my stomach. It's strange.
I will try to update this a bit more often, as I think of random thoughts all the time, then forget them within a few days... I had at least five good ones for this entry, but can't for the life of me remember them now. I'll get back to you on that...
Carrie
I was in and out of the office this week and working from home otherwise. It feels good to have structure back into my day - and raise my intelligence level back up from the reality daytime TV gutter in which its been wallowing for the past while. It was proven this week that interaction with real, live adults cannot be replicated by pre-recorded TV, no matter how often I talk back to Judge whomever. I don't know how many times I have told Flavor Flav and Ray J that they won't find true love with women named "Like Dat" and "Hot Cocoa," and yet they never listen. I am also sure that I can determine the cause of death of a homicide victim if the cause is blunt force trauma and/or asphyxiation (resulting in the tell-tale petechial hemorrhaging in the eyeballs). Thank you, CSI Las Vegas, Miami, and New York... and all the Law & Orders, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Bones, and First 48. I never thought that I, too, could become so paranoid.
Funny story about the crime shows... When I went into the ER a few weeks ago, this team of young doctors came in to check me out. They were asking about my symptoms and what had been going on for the past week, so I was telling him about my post-chemo weirdness and mentioned my conversation a few days earlier with the nurse.
"... and she said that as my rash wasn't elevated or annoying that it was probably petechiae from my blood vessels..." (or something like that).
"Hm." pause. "Do you have advanced medical training of any kind?"
"Me? No. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you threw out "petechiae" like it was nothing..."
"Oh... I watch CSI." (Duh.)
He snorted and the doctors found it hilarious. Apparently I'm the only one who gets their medical terminology from TV? Or maybe I was the only one dumb enough to admit it...?
On a completely unrelated note, I want to thank the developers of my new favorite food group - Jello. I keep waiting to get tired of the colorful not-really-food option in my fridge, but I don't. Oh sure, some Jello flavors are better than others, hence my six boxes of Peach and Berry Blue that are now on hand at all times.
Did you know... that there is a quick-set method for Jello which involved ice cubes?
Did you know... that if your Jello freezes in the fridge, it breaks down and gets watery?
Did you know... that Jello makes seasonal flavors such as Pina Colada and Margarita?
Did you know... that you can use Vodka in place of water for... wait... of course you know that.
On yet another change of topic - I go in for my third (!!) chemo treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th, which will officially put me at half-way done. I can't believe it is going so quickly. Every day I wake up and wonder if today is the day when I will notice another change. I pay attention to my energy level, to my nose sniffle, to how food tastes and whether or not it makes me queasy enough to warrant an anti-nausea pill.
I've found that so far it's really just a crap shoot - one day I feel great and think how ridiculous it is that I am staying away from germs and really have this "cancer" thing. Another day, like Friday, I pay for "maybe overdo-ing it a bit" and don't have the energy to keep my eyes open at 7 o'clock at night. Some days I can eat anything and everything in sight, while other days the very thought of food makes me cringe and Jello is the only thing that sits well in my stomach. It's strange.
I will try to update this a bit more often, as I think of random thoughts all the time, then forget them within a few days... I had at least five good ones for this entry, but can't for the life of me remember them now. I'll get back to you on that...
Carrie
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Of All the Hair I've Lost...
Of all the hair I've lost, I miss my nose hair the most.
They're so useful, those little nose hairs. I've never paid much attention to them - nor have I appreciated how nice mine were. I know there's a small grooming division geared at nose hair - hence nose hair trimmers and scissors - and I have appreciated the fact that I've never needed to groom mine. I guess I can say I thought about that one day after watching a commercial for a nose hair trimmer.
When I lost some leg hair, I was pretty excited. I shave all that off anyway - a convenient quirk. When I lost my head hair, I was less upset than I thought I would be, but still kinda weirded out by the fact that I can compare scalp moisturizer with my friend's grandpa. But I can wear hats and/or wigs to work with that loss. The nose hair loss is another thing entirely. My nose runs all the time now. And they don't currently make fake nose hair that I can put on in the mornings - nor can I walk around with Kleenexes stuck up my nose.
*Sigh* It's the little things...
I DID leave my house today though!! This was an event. I even wore a sweater rather than a sweatshirt. I had to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity, and it went well. I went to the No Coast Craft-o-Rama at the Midtown Global Market, checked out the goods, and had lunch. I packed my hand sanitizer and Kleenexes so I would be prepared to enter a public place with potential cooties.
A quick note on the Midtown Global Market - if you live in the cities, I highly recommend checking it out. It's on Lake St and has a ton of food stands, crafts, global kiosks, live music often, global food shops - it's one of my favorite spots. (They also have free napkins at all their food spots - just as good as Kleenex...)
Overall, I've been feeling much better after my second round of chemo than after my first. I feel that the shot to boost my white blood cell count had a great impact on my ability to handle the treatment. I was more tired to begin with, but didn't get so sick. I was worried about my mouth falling apart again or catching the plague and ending up back in the hospital bubble. So far, so good. I have been much more careful this time as well, which had to help. The company I work for is awesome and allows me the flexibility to work from home as needed, so that has allowed me to stay inside and unexposed. As for the mouth sores, I rinse at least 5 times a day with a baking soda/salt mix and stay away from any food that could irritate it.
I just might be getting the hang of this cancer stuff... Hehehe. At this time last round, I was sitting in the hospital... now I'm sitting in my office! Success!
I did find something strange this week - I'm ok with it now, but it freaked me out at the time. (A quick warning that this may make surgery-queasy people a bit queasy...)
I was putting lotion on my port incision this week and felt what I thought was a small scab, so I figured I will pull it off as is consistent with my impatient healing tendencies. It was really small, though, and wouldn't come all the way off - only the corner. So I grabbed a tweezers and focused in to finish the job. But it still wouldn't budge - and it hurt. I moved in close to the mirror to check it out and noticed that the tiny little scab had frayed.
Frayed.
Like a string.
A string that was sticking out of my chest.
Which meant that it was attached to something in my chest.
I stopped and blinked a few times. I set down the tweezers and then visualized what could possibly be held together by this little string. My vein? The port? My vein to the port? Ugh. Great. What if my vein sprung a little leak because I was pulling on the string? What if the port suddenly came un- port-ed to the place it was port-ed to? Oh my gosh, am I getting a headache? Do people get headaches from leaky veins? I had to sit down.
I came to the conclusion 6 second later that I'm an idiot and it's nothing. But I will think twice before messing with small scabs again.
Random thought: I was watching a TV show on body modification where people get objects implanted under their skin, such as horns and crosses, so that their skin is visibly raised in that shape. My port raises my skin up about a square inch. I wonder if I could convince someone I'm into shaving my head and getting body mods?
Today, I'm dedicating a song to my nose hairs: Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got ('Till It's Gone)." It's a throw back, I know. But nothing conveys loss like an 80's rock ballad. So here's to you, nose hairs... until we meet again. (sniffle sniffle)
Carrie
They're so useful, those little nose hairs. I've never paid much attention to them - nor have I appreciated how nice mine were. I know there's a small grooming division geared at nose hair - hence nose hair trimmers and scissors - and I have appreciated the fact that I've never needed to groom mine. I guess I can say I thought about that one day after watching a commercial for a nose hair trimmer.
When I lost some leg hair, I was pretty excited. I shave all that off anyway - a convenient quirk. When I lost my head hair, I was less upset than I thought I would be, but still kinda weirded out by the fact that I can compare scalp moisturizer with my friend's grandpa. But I can wear hats and/or wigs to work with that loss. The nose hair loss is another thing entirely. My nose runs all the time now. And they don't currently make fake nose hair that I can put on in the mornings - nor can I walk around with Kleenexes stuck up my nose.
*Sigh* It's the little things...
I DID leave my house today though!! This was an event. I even wore a sweater rather than a sweatshirt. I had to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity, and it went well. I went to the No Coast Craft-o-Rama at the Midtown Global Market, checked out the goods, and had lunch. I packed my hand sanitizer and Kleenexes so I would be prepared to enter a public place with potential cooties.
A quick note on the Midtown Global Market - if you live in the cities, I highly recommend checking it out. It's on Lake St and has a ton of food stands, crafts, global kiosks, live music often, global food shops - it's one of my favorite spots. (They also have free napkins at all their food spots - just as good as Kleenex...)
Overall, I've been feeling much better after my second round of chemo than after my first. I feel that the shot to boost my white blood cell count had a great impact on my ability to handle the treatment. I was more tired to begin with, but didn't get so sick. I was worried about my mouth falling apart again or catching the plague and ending up back in the hospital bubble. So far, so good. I have been much more careful this time as well, which had to help. The company I work for is awesome and allows me the flexibility to work from home as needed, so that has allowed me to stay inside and unexposed. As for the mouth sores, I rinse at least 5 times a day with a baking soda/salt mix and stay away from any food that could irritate it.
I just might be getting the hang of this cancer stuff... Hehehe. At this time last round, I was sitting in the hospital... now I'm sitting in my office! Success!
I did find something strange this week - I'm ok with it now, but it freaked me out at the time. (A quick warning that this may make surgery-queasy people a bit queasy...)
I was putting lotion on my port incision this week and felt what I thought was a small scab, so I figured I will pull it off as is consistent with my impatient healing tendencies. It was really small, though, and wouldn't come all the way off - only the corner. So I grabbed a tweezers and focused in to finish the job. But it still wouldn't budge - and it hurt. I moved in close to the mirror to check it out and noticed that the tiny little scab had frayed.
Frayed.
Like a string.
A string that was sticking out of my chest.
Which meant that it was attached to something in my chest.
I stopped and blinked a few times. I set down the tweezers and then visualized what could possibly be held together by this little string. My vein? The port? My vein to the port? Ugh. Great. What if my vein sprung a little leak because I was pulling on the string? What if the port suddenly came un- port-ed to the place it was port-ed to? Oh my gosh, am I getting a headache? Do people get headaches from leaky veins? I had to sit down.
I came to the conclusion 6 second later that I'm an idiot and it's nothing. But I will think twice before messing with small scabs again.
Random thought: I was watching a TV show on body modification where people get objects implanted under their skin, such as horns and crosses, so that their skin is visibly raised in that shape. My port raises my skin up about a square inch. I wonder if I could convince someone I'm into shaving my head and getting body mods?
Today, I'm dedicating a song to my nose hairs: Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got ('Till It's Gone)." It's a throw back, I know. But nothing conveys loss like an 80's rock ballad. So here's to you, nose hairs... until we meet again. (sniffle sniffle)
Carrie
Friday, November 27, 2009
Giving Thanks
It's been a pretty interesting past week and alot has happened. First and foremost, though, I want to talk a bit about Thanksgiving and get a little bit sappy.
Thanksgiving comes and goes annually with family, food, football, friends, and all the rest. Each year, we go through the exercise of listing out that for which we are thankful and appreciating all that we have within our world. This year I have so much to be thankful for that it blows my mind. It is hard for me to put into words how incredibly grateful I am to have such wonderful friends and family who continue to help me through my current situation with laughter, support, tears, and more generosity of spirit than I thought possible.
From the day I found out I had breast cancer, my feet have not touched the ground. I feel that I am floating on the shoulders of all the people who continue to support me and send thoughts and prayers my way. Someday, I hope to be able to convey my deep gratitude and thanks in a manner which is truly felt by everyone. Until then, please know how loved and lucky I feel to have so much love in my world.
Another thing that I am truly grateful for is my health. I have thought a great deal about this and I don't mean it to come across as sarcastic in any way. I am so thankful that what I am working with is treatable and fixable, and that I don't have any underlying complications to work around. I am one of the lucky ones. For this I will be forever grateful and I will work every day to appreciate my body and my health in a new way.
My parents came down for Thanksgiving and I am thrilled they are here. I had my second chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday, so I have been spending most of my time laying on the couch or in bed as this round wiped me out a bit. Still, no nausea or sickness, which is great. However, I am just exhausted.
This treatment schedule added a new twist - a shot called Neulastra (I believe) which is designed to boost my bone marrow production and therefore increase my white blood cell count so that it doesn't get as dangerously low as it did the last time. Hopefully, this will allow me to avoid a hospital stay and not get quite as run down. So, we'll see how it goes and hope for the best!
The most significant change to me is my hair. It's all gone. And I now understand stocking caps on a completely different level - the necessity level.
Last week in the hospital, I felt the soreness, etc, that signaled upcoming hair loss. I was a bit nervous - I wasn't sure how I would handle pulling hair out of my head. I had visions of bursting into tears or completely freaking out and wanting it all off RIGHT NOW!! But what actually happened was different.
I noticed a few random hairs on Friday morning, then reached up and pulled out a good sized hairs out of my head. Instead of crying, I was more interested in the quantity of hair and where they came from. So I started pulling more from different areas and they just kept coming! So I then got dressed and went outside to see how many I could pull out on my own - there was a nice breeze, the sun was shining, and I was hoping that my hair could somehow be recycled into nests for birds. I felt a certain satisfaction when I pulled out a larger clump than a smaller one and would try to match the large chunk again the next time. I soon decided to pull my hair up in a pony tail so as to not have all my fun at once.
Later that night, I ran my hands through my hair and it was noticeably thinner, and that's what bothered me. Not the pulling out of the hair, but rather the feeling of it being gone. That was much more uncomfortable to me and I decided I wanted to take care of it myself.
A quick side note here to my awesome friend KJ who called me on Friday night to tell me she is shaving her head RIGHT NOW because she can! We laughed and I felt so privileged that she would do this for me and it helped me make the decision to shave it all off.
So my friend Erik showed up on Saturday morning with his full clipper set and we went to town on my hair. I only cried once as I put my hand up to my forehead as the hair fell down around my chair. I was proud of myself to be doing this, proud to have Erik helping me with it, and scared of what it would look like. Erik and I quickly agreed that the mohawk look wasn't my thing, so it all came off. Wow. That was crazy.
I will post a pic up when I get them on the computer. So far, I am getting much more used to the look, thanks to everyone's supportive verbiage. Hats, though, are key I believe. My head gets pretty cold pretty quickly.
I hope that everyone reading this had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and took just a few minutes to give thanks for all the love and life around you.
Talk to you soon,
Carrie
Thanksgiving comes and goes annually with family, food, football, friends, and all the rest. Each year, we go through the exercise of listing out that for which we are thankful and appreciating all that we have within our world. This year I have so much to be thankful for that it blows my mind. It is hard for me to put into words how incredibly grateful I am to have such wonderful friends and family who continue to help me through my current situation with laughter, support, tears, and more generosity of spirit than I thought possible.
From the day I found out I had breast cancer, my feet have not touched the ground. I feel that I am floating on the shoulders of all the people who continue to support me and send thoughts and prayers my way. Someday, I hope to be able to convey my deep gratitude and thanks in a manner which is truly felt by everyone. Until then, please know how loved and lucky I feel to have so much love in my world.
Another thing that I am truly grateful for is my health. I have thought a great deal about this and I don't mean it to come across as sarcastic in any way. I am so thankful that what I am working with is treatable and fixable, and that I don't have any underlying complications to work around. I am one of the lucky ones. For this I will be forever grateful and I will work every day to appreciate my body and my health in a new way.
My parents came down for Thanksgiving and I am thrilled they are here. I had my second chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday, so I have been spending most of my time laying on the couch or in bed as this round wiped me out a bit. Still, no nausea or sickness, which is great. However, I am just exhausted.
This treatment schedule added a new twist - a shot called Neulastra (I believe) which is designed to boost my bone marrow production and therefore increase my white blood cell count so that it doesn't get as dangerously low as it did the last time. Hopefully, this will allow me to avoid a hospital stay and not get quite as run down. So, we'll see how it goes and hope for the best!
The most significant change to me is my hair. It's all gone. And I now understand stocking caps on a completely different level - the necessity level.
Last week in the hospital, I felt the soreness, etc, that signaled upcoming hair loss. I was a bit nervous - I wasn't sure how I would handle pulling hair out of my head. I had visions of bursting into tears or completely freaking out and wanting it all off RIGHT NOW!! But what actually happened was different.
I noticed a few random hairs on Friday morning, then reached up and pulled out a good sized hairs out of my head. Instead of crying, I was more interested in the quantity of hair and where they came from. So I started pulling more from different areas and they just kept coming! So I then got dressed and went outside to see how many I could pull out on my own - there was a nice breeze, the sun was shining, and I was hoping that my hair could somehow be recycled into nests for birds. I felt a certain satisfaction when I pulled out a larger clump than a smaller one and would try to match the large chunk again the next time. I soon decided to pull my hair up in a pony tail so as to not have all my fun at once.
Later that night, I ran my hands through my hair and it was noticeably thinner, and that's what bothered me. Not the pulling out of the hair, but rather the feeling of it being gone. That was much more uncomfortable to me and I decided I wanted to take care of it myself.
A quick side note here to my awesome friend KJ who called me on Friday night to tell me she is shaving her head RIGHT NOW because she can! We laughed and I felt so privileged that she would do this for me and it helped me make the decision to shave it all off.
So my friend Erik showed up on Saturday morning with his full clipper set and we went to town on my hair. I only cried once as I put my hand up to my forehead as the hair fell down around my chair. I was proud of myself to be doing this, proud to have Erik helping me with it, and scared of what it would look like. Erik and I quickly agreed that the mohawk look wasn't my thing, so it all came off. Wow. That was crazy.
I will post a pic up when I get them on the computer. So far, I am getting much more used to the look, thanks to everyone's supportive verbiage. Hats, though, are key I believe. My head gets pretty cold pretty quickly.
I hope that everyone reading this had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and took just a few minutes to give thanks for all the love and life around you.
Talk to you soon,
Carrie
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Morphine and Ice Cream
I'm back.
I'm eating again as well. My mouth is healing quickly as my neutrophil count increases and I swear that I will never take my mouth for granted again. Wow - that was amazingly painful and unnerving.
I was doing great until after dinner on Friday night when I started to have some stomach issues, then started to get a fever, which went away a few hours later. Saturday I stayed in bed as I could feel myself getting sick and knew from talking to the nurse that my counts were at their lowest. The nurse also made it clear that I would be apt to catch anything I came into contact with and that if my fever went above 100 that I should probably go into the ER. My mouth started to get much more painful, so I ate Jello and an ice cream until trying out some mac & cheese at dinner time. My throat started to get sore that night and my fever came back higher - from anywhere to 99.8 to 100.8. The on-call oncologist (ha!) said to stay home as I wasn't shaking or shivering, and my fever went back down. I thought I was in the clear.
That is, until Kelly called on Sunday. "Why didn't you go into the hospital?!" "Because the doctor said I would be fine." "Who did you talk to?" "The on call oncologist (ha)." "That can't be right. I think you should go in." ... 5 minute time delay... "Jenny is on her way over to bring you to the ER. I called today's on-call doctor and he said to come in immediately. I can't believe that you didn't go in last night - why didn't you call me? I would have told you to go in!"
So Jenny shows up at my door with bags of groceries that can either be put into a blender for a smoothie, popsicles, fudge-sicles, a smattering of healthy soy things, and a squash (which is not going into a smoothie under any circumstances). At this point I am very glad to be going to the hospital. I can hardly talk because it requires mouth movement and am out of the only food I can eat - Jello.
Long story short - Kelly was right. I really needed to be in the hospital as my counts were freakishly low - much lower than the doctors had expected they drop to and much lower than is safe. So, they admitted me into a special "girl in the bubble" room until my counts went up, which they expected to be 3-4 days. I spent three nights there in all.
Maybe I'm strange - people think I'm joking when I tell them how much I like airports. I can also say that I like hospitals. Maybe it's just Abbott. I don't know. But I really feel comfortable there, well cared for, and that I'm getting the treatments I need to feel better. The nurses are fantastic, the doctors I have been in contact with are great, and I have my own room. Plus, they bring me food. AND the nurses bring me ice cream.
One example of why I love the hospital...
"Good morning Carrie - how are you feeling?"
"Good morning - I'm ok - my mouth is kinda sore... May I please have a shot of morphine?"
"Sure! Let me go grab that - is there anything else I can get for you? Are you hungry?"
"Um... do you have any raspberry sherbet?"
"Yep - I'll be right back."
Sweet.
My mom drove down on Sunday and hung out at the hospital with me during the day. When I got home, my mouth was feeling a great deal better, though not totally healed. I was able to eat soft foods easier, so mom heated up some homemade soup and made me a grilled cheese sandwich - I gummed down two bowls and a second sandwich. Oh food, how I missed you.
I am now basically quarantined to my house and the outdoors - no enclosed public buildings that may have cooties. No restaurants or stores or anyplace fun. I am ok with this as I have a greater understanding of how vulnerable I am right now and respect that.
One lesson I have learned this past week is that I am not in control of my body right now and I need to understand and accept that. No matter how positive my attitude is or how many Tylenol I take, my body is going through changes that I cannot control. I am learning to work with the changes, but I need to respect that I am not as strong as I am accustomed to being and cannot respond to these changes as I would normally respond to others.
I had a hard time with that this week - maybe a tougher time with this concept than the overall fact that I have breast cancer. Having cancer, to me, was a diagnosis with a solution and an end date. I had options, I chose my option. I had doctor appointments, which I went to. I had surgery, and recovered. I need chemotherapy, which I started. I got sick, and that's where I got lost. It freaked me out a bit that my body isn't reacting to the treatments as well as I thought it would. I thought that being young and healthy would allow me to ease my way through this without too much change. I knew I would lose my hair and that I would get a bit sick, but I wasn't prepared for my body to stop working on my behalf. Now I know more, and will care for it accordingly.
So, I'll be at home. Chillin' with the 'Lil Bigs. (That's my dog, Bixby;) I might even get Ginger for the weekend. (I call her 'Lil Jiggs, only because it rhymes. She's not little, or jiggly.)
Random thought - I wonder if anyone named their pet Chemo? I know a Kila, and a Nemo... maybe if you spelled it with a K - Kemo? It's a cool sounding word, but maybe strange connotations... hm. I'll ask Alice... when she's ten feet tall...
Carrie
I'm eating again as well. My mouth is healing quickly as my neutrophil count increases and I swear that I will never take my mouth for granted again. Wow - that was amazingly painful and unnerving.
I was doing great until after dinner on Friday night when I started to have some stomach issues, then started to get a fever, which went away a few hours later. Saturday I stayed in bed as I could feel myself getting sick and knew from talking to the nurse that my counts were at their lowest. The nurse also made it clear that I would be apt to catch anything I came into contact with and that if my fever went above 100 that I should probably go into the ER. My mouth started to get much more painful, so I ate Jello and an ice cream until trying out some mac & cheese at dinner time. My throat started to get sore that night and my fever came back higher - from anywhere to 99.8 to 100.8. The on-call oncologist (ha!) said to stay home as I wasn't shaking or shivering, and my fever went back down. I thought I was in the clear.
That is, until Kelly called on Sunday. "Why didn't you go into the hospital?!" "Because the doctor said I would be fine." "Who did you talk to?" "The on call oncologist (ha)." "That can't be right. I think you should go in." ... 5 minute time delay... "Jenny is on her way over to bring you to the ER. I called today's on-call doctor and he said to come in immediately. I can't believe that you didn't go in last night - why didn't you call me? I would have told you to go in!"
So Jenny shows up at my door with bags of groceries that can either be put into a blender for a smoothie, popsicles, fudge-sicles, a smattering of healthy soy things, and a squash (which is not going into a smoothie under any circumstances). At this point I am very glad to be going to the hospital. I can hardly talk because it requires mouth movement and am out of the only food I can eat - Jello.
Long story short - Kelly was right. I really needed to be in the hospital as my counts were freakishly low - much lower than the doctors had expected they drop to and much lower than is safe. So, they admitted me into a special "girl in the bubble" room until my counts went up, which they expected to be 3-4 days. I spent three nights there in all.
Maybe I'm strange - people think I'm joking when I tell them how much I like airports. I can also say that I like hospitals. Maybe it's just Abbott. I don't know. But I really feel comfortable there, well cared for, and that I'm getting the treatments I need to feel better. The nurses are fantastic, the doctors I have been in contact with are great, and I have my own room. Plus, they bring me food. AND the nurses bring me ice cream.
One example of why I love the hospital...
"Good morning Carrie - how are you feeling?"
"Good morning - I'm ok - my mouth is kinda sore... May I please have a shot of morphine?"
"Sure! Let me go grab that - is there anything else I can get for you? Are you hungry?"
"Um... do you have any raspberry sherbet?"
"Yep - I'll be right back."
Sweet.
My mom drove down on Sunday and hung out at the hospital with me during the day. When I got home, my mouth was feeling a great deal better, though not totally healed. I was able to eat soft foods easier, so mom heated up some homemade soup and made me a grilled cheese sandwich - I gummed down two bowls and a second sandwich. Oh food, how I missed you.
I am now basically quarantined to my house and the outdoors - no enclosed public buildings that may have cooties. No restaurants or stores or anyplace fun. I am ok with this as I have a greater understanding of how vulnerable I am right now and respect that.
One lesson I have learned this past week is that I am not in control of my body right now and I need to understand and accept that. No matter how positive my attitude is or how many Tylenol I take, my body is going through changes that I cannot control. I am learning to work with the changes, but I need to respect that I am not as strong as I am accustomed to being and cannot respond to these changes as I would normally respond to others.
I had a hard time with that this week - maybe a tougher time with this concept than the overall fact that I have breast cancer. Having cancer, to me, was a diagnosis with a solution and an end date. I had options, I chose my option. I had doctor appointments, which I went to. I had surgery, and recovered. I need chemotherapy, which I started. I got sick, and that's where I got lost. It freaked me out a bit that my body isn't reacting to the treatments as well as I thought it would. I thought that being young and healthy would allow me to ease my way through this without too much change. I knew I would lose my hair and that I would get a bit sick, but I wasn't prepared for my body to stop working on my behalf. Now I know more, and will care for it accordingly.
So, I'll be at home. Chillin' with the 'Lil Bigs. (That's my dog, Bixby;) I might even get Ginger for the weekend. (I call her 'Lil Jiggs, only because it rhymes. She's not little, or jiggly.)
Random thought - I wonder if anyone named their pet Chemo? I know a Kila, and a Nemo... maybe if you spelled it with a K - Kemo? It's a cool sounding word, but maybe strange connotations... hm. I'll ask Alice... when she's ten feet tall...
Carrie
Home from the Hospital
Carrie was able to come home from the hospital yesterday. Her white blood cell count was still low at 1.9, but her neutrophils were up to 300/1000. This is still low, so she is not able to leave her house and can't be around anyone that has been sick. Her mouth is starting to feel better and she has antibiotics to take to continue to help fight any infection. She is happy to be back home & her oncologist will be giving her an injection to help boost her white blood cell count before her next chemo treatments. She is feeling much better than when she went in last Sunday. Thanks for all of the get well wishes!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Chemo Rears It's Ugly Head
Unfortunately the chemo side effects have caught up with Carrie. She had a rough weekend and was in quite a bit of pain from throat, mouth, tongue & gum sores. Her fever spiked a few times this weekend and she was having trouble eating and swallowing, so the on-call doctor on Sunday told her to go to the emergency room. She found out her counts was extremely low, and they admitted her into the hospital where she will most likely be for 3-4 days. The thought was that the sores in her mouth were also in her GI tract, which could have caused a tear or an infection. They have been keeping her on IV antibiotics to help stop any potential infection & gave her morphine & magic mouthwash for her mouth soreness. Today her neutophil count (key component in the body's fight against disease & infection) is up to 120 out of 1000. When she was admitted to the hospital, she was at 50 and they are hoping to get her up above 500 before she gets released. Her white blood cells were still down this morning, but went up from 1.2 yesterday to 2.0 this afternoon. Her potassium levels were also down so they have given her potassium supplements. She is at Abbott and is able to have visitors, although the doctor requested that if you or anyone you know has been sick or had any symptoms of sickness, to please refrain from visiting. Carrie is extremely susceptible to disease and infection right now and can't take any risks. She is in an area of the hospital that has filtered air, a sealed door and is kept as germ-free as possible. If you do visit, the doctor asked to please use the sink outside of her room to wash your hands and use the anti-bacterial soap before you go into her room. Amazingly, she still has a great attitude and thanks everyone for their thoughts and prayers! Please feel free to email or call me with any questions: kelly.cruz@gmail.com or 612-269-0659. Thanks!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The Week After My First Go-'Round
I have been trying for the past week to pinpoint what drug/treatment/hormone issues are causing various results without success. Things are definitely happening throughout my body, however, and I'm creepily fascinated with the weirdness.
So, to quickly recap. Within a 7 day time frame I had a shot to shut down my ovaries and push me into hot flashes, a surgery to implant a port, a boob fill, and my first chemo treatment. I also took three days of steroids, three days of anti-nausea meds plus a smattering of another anti-nausea med as needed, and a super-human dosage of Vitamin D. I think that's all. The hormone issues, to the best of my knowledge, kicked in on Friday at what I think is the same time as the chemo. I have no way to prove this. However, the result was one. crabby. chica.
I can't even say for sure if my reaction over the first few days was physical or mental. A week out, I am apt to say both as I have no doubt that physically I am noticing differences. On Friday I was generally tired and lazy, but expected to be and gave in easily. Friday night was a different story all together. That was my first bout with the "night sweats" or whatever those evil things are called. I was sweating bullets, opening the window, closing the window, turning on the ceiling fan, turning off the ceiling fan, trying to lay on the dry part of the bed... My aunt had warned me about the hot flashes and that they weren't fun - she swears her eyeglasses fog up when she gets them. I had had night sweats before when I was sick, but this wasn't fun. I feel closer to my aunts now - in fact I feel closer to everyone's aunts for that matter.
The anti-nausea medication they had given me was awesome - I wasn't nauseous. Food wasn't tasting the same - and it didn't have the same appeal - but again I am not sure if that's more mental. The physical certainty I have that chemicals are indeed streaming through my body is that the plumbing isn't working as I have taken for granted. I'm not going into great detail here - I trust you get the point. My skin is also turning against me. I hope it's temporary.
They had also talked in the info sessions about the inside of my mouth becoming sensitive - and this just started last night. The entire inside of my mouth feels very strange - and today it got more pronounced and not quite painful, but uncomfortable. It doesn't really hurt as much as it's just not right. It reminds me of burning the roof of my mouth on pizza and the resulting effects, but without the burn pain and all over rather than just the roof. After I ate lunch, it felt unwell.
(Unwell. This is my new favorite adjective. Kelly was driving me home from surgery last week and she asked me if I was ok. I wasn't sure how to answer that because I wasn't ok, but wasn't not ok. I was struggling to find a word - "Um... I'm... Hmm..." "Unwell?" "Yep. Exactly.")
My mom came down for my first treatment and stayed over the weekend, which was great. She gave me the luxury of being sick and taking care of me as only a mom can. I slept a great deal, became hooked on her favorite TV show, and apologized over and over that I was so crabby. At one point, I was so out of sorts that all I wanted to do was cry, but couldn't even muster the energy to even do that correctly. It was pitiful. A general synopsis of my weekend through Tuesday was tired, crabby, and unwell.
I am doing much better now. I feel like I am back to my regular personality and am observing my mental and physical health with curiosity. I am interested to see how the second treatment goes without all the other "stuff" happening at the same time. I also take my second weekly dosage of 50,000 mg of Vitamin D (I know I don't get alot of sun, but seriously...) on Sunday and will find out if that is what caused the burning in my throat.
I have been told to expect tingling and numbness in my fingers and toes, but this hasn't happened yet. I am also expecting my hair to start falling out pretty soon, but not for another week at the earliest. It is strange to me that these chemicals are still in my body - I keep thinking that they wear off in a day or so and that it's similar to taking cold medicine.
Random thought - "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane has been in my head for a week. Every time I take something - "One pill makes you larger aaaaaand one pill makes you small..." but it's the Tom Petty video that I see in my mind.
Another random thought - Abbot Northwestern should have a loyalty parking program. You know, where you get points every time you park in the ramp. When you get x number of points, you can get a free day of parking or a cup of coffee or some sort of little perk. I'm not saying I want a new Bose stereo or anything, but a cup of Caribou (they have one in the hospital, conveniently by the parking ramp) would be a nice value add. I have a friend, S.B., who works for a great loyalty marketing company - let me know, Abbott, I'd be happy to help make that connection... Just 'sayin.
Carrie
So, to quickly recap. Within a 7 day time frame I had a shot to shut down my ovaries and push me into hot flashes, a surgery to implant a port, a boob fill, and my first chemo treatment. I also took three days of steroids, three days of anti-nausea meds plus a smattering of another anti-nausea med as needed, and a super-human dosage of Vitamin D. I think that's all. The hormone issues, to the best of my knowledge, kicked in on Friday at what I think is the same time as the chemo. I have no way to prove this. However, the result was one. crabby. chica.
I can't even say for sure if my reaction over the first few days was physical or mental. A week out, I am apt to say both as I have no doubt that physically I am noticing differences. On Friday I was generally tired and lazy, but expected to be and gave in easily. Friday night was a different story all together. That was my first bout with the "night sweats" or whatever those evil things are called. I was sweating bullets, opening the window, closing the window, turning on the ceiling fan, turning off the ceiling fan, trying to lay on the dry part of the bed... My aunt had warned me about the hot flashes and that they weren't fun - she swears her eyeglasses fog up when she gets them. I had had night sweats before when I was sick, but this wasn't fun. I feel closer to my aunts now - in fact I feel closer to everyone's aunts for that matter.
The anti-nausea medication they had given me was awesome - I wasn't nauseous. Food wasn't tasting the same - and it didn't have the same appeal - but again I am not sure if that's more mental. The physical certainty I have that chemicals are indeed streaming through my body is that the plumbing isn't working as I have taken for granted. I'm not going into great detail here - I trust you get the point. My skin is also turning against me. I hope it's temporary.
They had also talked in the info sessions about the inside of my mouth becoming sensitive - and this just started last night. The entire inside of my mouth feels very strange - and today it got more pronounced and not quite painful, but uncomfortable. It doesn't really hurt as much as it's just not right. It reminds me of burning the roof of my mouth on pizza and the resulting effects, but without the burn pain and all over rather than just the roof. After I ate lunch, it felt unwell.
(Unwell. This is my new favorite adjective. Kelly was driving me home from surgery last week and she asked me if I was ok. I wasn't sure how to answer that because I wasn't ok, but wasn't not ok. I was struggling to find a word - "Um... I'm... Hmm..." "Unwell?" "Yep. Exactly.")
My mom came down for my first treatment and stayed over the weekend, which was great. She gave me the luxury of being sick and taking care of me as only a mom can. I slept a great deal, became hooked on her favorite TV show, and apologized over and over that I was so crabby. At one point, I was so out of sorts that all I wanted to do was cry, but couldn't even muster the energy to even do that correctly. It was pitiful. A general synopsis of my weekend through Tuesday was tired, crabby, and unwell.
I am doing much better now. I feel like I am back to my regular personality and am observing my mental and physical health with curiosity. I am interested to see how the second treatment goes without all the other "stuff" happening at the same time. I also take my second weekly dosage of 50,000 mg of Vitamin D (I know I don't get alot of sun, but seriously...) on Sunday and will find out if that is what caused the burning in my throat.
I have been told to expect tingling and numbness in my fingers and toes, but this hasn't happened yet. I am also expecting my hair to start falling out pretty soon, but not for another week at the earliest. It is strange to me that these chemicals are still in my body - I keep thinking that they wear off in a day or so and that it's similar to taking cold medicine.
Random thought - "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane has been in my head for a week. Every time I take something - "One pill makes you larger aaaaaand one pill makes you small..." but it's the Tom Petty video that I see in my mind.
Another random thought - Abbot Northwestern should have a loyalty parking program. You know, where you get points every time you park in the ramp. When you get x number of points, you can get a free day of parking or a cup of coffee or some sort of little perk. I'm not saying I want a new Bose stereo or anything, but a cup of Caribou (they have one in the hospital, conveniently by the parking ramp) would be a nice value add. I have a friend, S.B., who works for a great loyalty marketing company - let me know, Abbott, I'd be happy to help make that connection... Just 'sayin.
Carrie
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Busy week
This was a busy week.
On Monday, I met with a personal trainer for help with ideas for stretching out my upper body and catching my lower body up after sitting on my a#^ for a month. She was very kind. My reconstructive surgeon stressed last week that I take 3 more weeks to heal and my trainer ("L" we'll call her) was great about working with what I could do. How sick is this - I didn't even break a sweat, but was limping the next day... go figure. I feel like my upper body is healing well and that my posture and range of motion is coming back. My lower body has no excuse. We haven't set up a schedule yet - but I am motivated to keep my body in shape the best I am able as it will help through the chemo process.
Tuesday, I went in for surgery to have a port put into my upper right chest area for easy access to my veins. It was a full surgery with anesthesia, but I believe the whole surgery took approximately 15 minutes. The doctor said it was a success, which was good to hear. The port is a small box shaped thing about an inch or so square that sits completely under my skin. The doctors are able to access the port directly to draw blood, run chemo, etc., so that I am not continuing to have IVs run into veins every time its needed.
The surgery prep itself was a great example of why a port is a good idea. They tried twice, unsuccessfully, to place an IV in my left arm and finally gave up and moved to the right side. It hurt. Surgery itself was great and I continue to sing the praises of the entire Abbott staff. I wasn't feeling so well that night or the next morning and was sick from the anesthesia, so took anti-nausea medication. I was fine by the afternoon.
Thursday was the day for my second reconstructive visit and chemo session one.
My first stop was at the reconstructive surgeon's office for my second boob expander fill. This time they added 75 cc's to each side, which is more than the 50 they added last time. Again, they feel a bit tight and are very hard, unlike anything I am used to so far in life. I am not scheduled to go back in for another 3 weeks, which is fine by me. I was a C/D cup and always wished that I was either smaller or perkier, so now that I am down to a solid A/B (probably a B after today), I am really enjoying my new profile! They stay where I want them and make me look a bit thinner I have been told! This is great! I will go back to a C eventually, but no rush really - the chemo slows them down anyway so I am going to enjoy the lack of bounce while I can. That was probably "too much information," but you could consider this whole blog to be that, so oh well.
The most exciting part of the week is that I finally got the chemo treatments going. I started taking a steroid yesterday for reactionary purposes, which they gave me also today through an IV and that I will follow up with tomorrow. I received an anti-nausea medication via IV with a prescription to pick up tomorrow for the oral follow up to that. I also have another anti-nausea medication on hand (which I ended up using for the port surgery on Tuesday), so I shouldn't be too sick. They administered all the bags separately thorough my nifty new port and all 5 or 6 bags took approximately 5 hours. I had company there which made the time go by quickly and also feel very comfortable in the room. As I write this, I am tired, but not feeling too bad. I am not sure what to expect over the next few days as it affects everyone differently, so I am curious what my weekend will have in store for me. Either way - one down and five more to go!
Carrie
On Monday, I met with a personal trainer for help with ideas for stretching out my upper body and catching my lower body up after sitting on my a#^ for a month. She was very kind. My reconstructive surgeon stressed last week that I take 3 more weeks to heal and my trainer ("L" we'll call her) was great about working with what I could do. How sick is this - I didn't even break a sweat, but was limping the next day... go figure. I feel like my upper body is healing well and that my posture and range of motion is coming back. My lower body has no excuse. We haven't set up a schedule yet - but I am motivated to keep my body in shape the best I am able as it will help through the chemo process.
Tuesday, I went in for surgery to have a port put into my upper right chest area for easy access to my veins. It was a full surgery with anesthesia, but I believe the whole surgery took approximately 15 minutes. The doctor said it was a success, which was good to hear. The port is a small box shaped thing about an inch or so square that sits completely under my skin. The doctors are able to access the port directly to draw blood, run chemo, etc., so that I am not continuing to have IVs run into veins every time its needed.
The surgery prep itself was a great example of why a port is a good idea. They tried twice, unsuccessfully, to place an IV in my left arm and finally gave up and moved to the right side. It hurt. Surgery itself was great and I continue to sing the praises of the entire Abbott staff. I wasn't feeling so well that night or the next morning and was sick from the anesthesia, so took anti-nausea medication. I was fine by the afternoon.
Thursday was the day for my second reconstructive visit and chemo session one.
My first stop was at the reconstructive surgeon's office for my second boob expander fill. This time they added 75 cc's to each side, which is more than the 50 they added last time. Again, they feel a bit tight and are very hard, unlike anything I am used to so far in life. I am not scheduled to go back in for another 3 weeks, which is fine by me. I was a C/D cup and always wished that I was either smaller or perkier, so now that I am down to a solid A/B (probably a B after today), I am really enjoying my new profile! They stay where I want them and make me look a bit thinner I have been told! This is great! I will go back to a C eventually, but no rush really - the chemo slows them down anyway so I am going to enjoy the lack of bounce while I can. That was probably "too much information," but you could consider this whole blog to be that, so oh well.
The most exciting part of the week is that I finally got the chemo treatments going. I started taking a steroid yesterday for reactionary purposes, which they gave me also today through an IV and that I will follow up with tomorrow. I received an anti-nausea medication via IV with a prescription to pick up tomorrow for the oral follow up to that. I also have another anti-nausea medication on hand (which I ended up using for the port surgery on Tuesday), so I shouldn't be too sick. They administered all the bags separately thorough my nifty new port and all 5 or 6 bags took approximately 5 hours. I had company there which made the time go by quickly and also feel very comfortable in the room. As I write this, I am tired, but not feeling too bad. I am not sure what to expect over the next few days as it affects everyone differently, so I am curious what my weekend will have in store for me. Either way - one down and five more to go!
Carrie
Sunday, November 1, 2009
...And Here We Go...
I had a few interesting appointments last week, so I'll start at the beginning...
Monday I went in for my EKG (which took less than a minute - crazy) and then in for another radioactive injection to dye my bones for the bone scan, of which turned out just fine. According to my doc, all the tests that were done turned out great and there are no concerning spots or enhancements. I was glad to hear this as I had decided not to worry about any of it so as to not waste my time with worry, but then had started to worry that maybe I wasn't worrying enough about the whole thing and began to think that I had bone cancer. I only double-worried for about 3 minutes and then decided against it. Either way - I was happy to hear they were clear... and that I don't have bone cancer.
On Thursday, I went in for my first expander, or "boob," fill, which was cool. They located the valve in the expander with a magnet, then took a huge syringe - like horse vet huge - and stabbed it into the right spot. We then watched my chest expand while the syringe emptied. Very strange, but it didn't hurt. I do feel like the "band" around my chest got a bit tighter, but not painfully so. I'm a bit sore, but in a strange way. Not sure how to verbalize this one without hand motions...
Then on Friday I went back to the oncologist and spent some time with him planning out my next few months. His nurse gave me a flu shot, and also a shot to temporarily shut down my ovaries. As chemotherapy attacks fast growing cells, it can leave women either infertile or at the very least do some damage to the area. Whether or not I choose to have children, I don't feel that I am in a position to make a definitive decision either way this week. So, we're shutting them down. I should expect hot flashes any time now. Super.
The upcoming week is going to be busy - because I get to start Chemo!! Yay!!
Yes, I am actually looking forward to getting this show on the road, as they say. I know it's coming, it's not going away, there's really no getting out of it... so let's just go. I am curious about what it will do to my body and how it will make me feel. I don't know yet how my body will react - but I am hopeful that I can time my new hot flashes with my chemo visits, because that room is pretty chilly...
On Tuesday, I go in for a surgery to have a port put into my upper chest so that they don't have to continue to draw blood and put IVs in my arms. I already have a nice set of bruises and tiny red dots, so while I am looking forward to less digging around, I am not looking forward to the surgery as much. I will be out that same day, but will be put "under." The same surgeon that did my mastectomy will be doing the port, so I feel confident about the surgery itself.
Then Thursday I have my first chemo session and am wondering if picking up a McDonald's QP with cheese meal on the way home is as good of an idea as when I would get my braces tightened in grade school. I'm thinking probably not, but since McD's french fries are more native to my body than air, maybe just a large fry to ward off the potential evil tummy turns. We'll see if I get away with this, as my friend Kelly will be driving me and my chances of getting her to go through that drive through are about as good as dirt.
I am going to do a post of random thoughts one of these days that keep popping in and out of my head regarding this experience, but first have to write them down so I can sound less random.
I can say without flinching that Abbott Northwestern staff, employees, and every single person that I have come into contact with has been absolutely exceptional. They are some of the kindest, most accommodating, wonderful hospital people I have every encountered and make it very easy for me to stay positive and look forward to my appointments. I don't know if hospital recommendations are appropriate or realistic - but I HIGHLY recommend Abbott:)
Later,
Carrie
Oh - and no luck with the dreads yet - but WILL find them somehow, someway on Monday!
Monday I went in for my EKG (which took less than a minute - crazy) and then in for another radioactive injection to dye my bones for the bone scan, of which turned out just fine. According to my doc, all the tests that were done turned out great and there are no concerning spots or enhancements. I was glad to hear this as I had decided not to worry about any of it so as to not waste my time with worry, but then had started to worry that maybe I wasn't worrying enough about the whole thing and began to think that I had bone cancer. I only double-worried for about 3 minutes and then decided against it. Either way - I was happy to hear they were clear... and that I don't have bone cancer.
On Thursday, I went in for my first expander, or "boob," fill, which was cool. They located the valve in the expander with a magnet, then took a huge syringe - like horse vet huge - and stabbed it into the right spot. We then watched my chest expand while the syringe emptied. Very strange, but it didn't hurt. I do feel like the "band" around my chest got a bit tighter, but not painfully so. I'm a bit sore, but in a strange way. Not sure how to verbalize this one without hand motions...
Then on Friday I went back to the oncologist and spent some time with him planning out my next few months. His nurse gave me a flu shot, and also a shot to temporarily shut down my ovaries. As chemotherapy attacks fast growing cells, it can leave women either infertile or at the very least do some damage to the area. Whether or not I choose to have children, I don't feel that I am in a position to make a definitive decision either way this week. So, we're shutting them down. I should expect hot flashes any time now. Super.
The upcoming week is going to be busy - because I get to start Chemo!! Yay!!
Yes, I am actually looking forward to getting this show on the road, as they say. I know it's coming, it's not going away, there's really no getting out of it... so let's just go. I am curious about what it will do to my body and how it will make me feel. I don't know yet how my body will react - but I am hopeful that I can time my new hot flashes with my chemo visits, because that room is pretty chilly...
On Tuesday, I go in for a surgery to have a port put into my upper chest so that they don't have to continue to draw blood and put IVs in my arms. I already have a nice set of bruises and tiny red dots, so while I am looking forward to less digging around, I am not looking forward to the surgery as much. I will be out that same day, but will be put "under." The same surgeon that did my mastectomy will be doing the port, so I feel confident about the surgery itself.
Then Thursday I have my first chemo session and am wondering if picking up a McDonald's QP with cheese meal on the way home is as good of an idea as when I would get my braces tightened in grade school. I'm thinking probably not, but since McD's french fries are more native to my body than air, maybe just a large fry to ward off the potential evil tummy turns. We'll see if I get away with this, as my friend Kelly will be driving me and my chances of getting her to go through that drive through are about as good as dirt.
I am going to do a post of random thoughts one of these days that keep popping in and out of my head regarding this experience, but first have to write them down so I can sound less random.
I can say without flinching that Abbott Northwestern staff, employees, and every single person that I have come into contact with has been absolutely exceptional. They are some of the kindest, most accommodating, wonderful hospital people I have every encountered and make it very easy for me to stay positive and look forward to my appointments. I don't know if hospital recommendations are appropriate or realistic - but I HIGHLY recommend Abbott:)
Later,
Carrie
Oh - and no luck with the dreads yet - but WILL find them somehow, someway on Monday!
Friday, October 23, 2009
So Here's the Deal.
I met with my oncologist on Wednesday and he is awesome. He has a ton of energy and a tendency to swear alot, which makes us kindred spirits. I was there for about 4 hours and learned a great deal in addition to a few tests and scheduling for the following days. He wrote out a quick synopsis:
Carrie,
Shit! You have breast cancer.
The good news is that Dr. B removed all the cancer we know about. But cancers are sneaky. Even prior to surgery, cancer can invade the surrounding tissue and spread to spots outside the breast. These cells remain in your body after surgery. If we don't treat these cells, the cancer will grow and "come back." If this happens, cancer is not curable, though quite treatable. My job is to:
1 - Figure out the chance you have of having residual microscopic cancer cells,
2 - Give you treatment to eliminate them, thereby giving you the highest chance of cure possible.
Right now you have a 25-30% chance of cancer still in your body. To kill these residual cells, we have 3 treatments:
1 - Chemotherapy
2 - Endocrine therapy (Tamoxifen, Zoladex)
3 - Immunotherapy (Herceptin)
So, the chemo I will be on is TCH, which is an acronym for the drugs which I will be receiving. I will have 6 treatments, 3 weeks apart for a total of 18 weeks and will continue every three weeks for the rest of the year with the Herceptin. I believe I will start these treatments within the next few weeks and be on my way to being done with all this! It sounds as if I may not get too physically ill, however I will have a numbness in my hands or in general. I guess I'll find out as it happens. I will also lose my hair 14-21 days from my first treatment. Good times.
But on the flip side - the sooner I get this going, the sooner I get all my hair back! AND it might come back thicker and curly or wavy, at least for the first year or so! Interesting.
Thursday I went in for a CAT scan and a MUGA scan to get a baseline for my heart function as the Herceptin is known to have potential heart issues associated with it. I also went to a chemo class that is required for those starting the process. On Monday I have an EKG and a bone scan. Then I meet with my reconstructive surgeon on Thursday for my first fill for my chest expanders (which is going to be interesting because none of my friends or I can are quite sure how they get the saline into that expander - maybe a really small needle? Maybe there's a certain spot that works? Hmmmm...). Friday I meet again with my oncologist.
I think I am going to be very familiar with Abbott Northwestern Hospital soon. I am also pretty sure I'm going to have the track marks of an intravenous drug user by this time next year. ("Which vein should we use today? Ooh - it looks like they just used that one yesterday... Is that the spot where they put your IV? How about this one... no... Here! Right on the side of your hand - see that one? THAT's the one we'll use today...")
On another note - my chest is healing very well - my range of motion gets better each day. I am slowly stretching out and tapping into my past year of yoga to work with my muscles. I am putting the most time into my posture as my post-surgery posture is to hold my shoulders forward and hold my arms out a bit from my body. I consciously pull my shoulders back and move my arms at my side in a more fluid motion. So far, so good. I'm curious about how the expander fill will feel.
I hope all is well with everyone - talk to you soon!
Carrie
Carrie,
Shit! You have breast cancer.
The good news is that Dr. B removed all the cancer we know about. But cancers are sneaky. Even prior to surgery, cancer can invade the surrounding tissue and spread to spots outside the breast. These cells remain in your body after surgery. If we don't treat these cells, the cancer will grow and "come back." If this happens, cancer is not curable, though quite treatable. My job is to:
1 - Figure out the chance you have of having residual microscopic cancer cells,
2 - Give you treatment to eliminate them, thereby giving you the highest chance of cure possible.
Right now you have a 25-30% chance of cancer still in your body. To kill these residual cells, we have 3 treatments:
1 - Chemotherapy
2 - Endocrine therapy (Tamoxifen, Zoladex)
3 - Immunotherapy (Herceptin)
So, the chemo I will be on is TCH, which is an acronym for the drugs which I will be receiving. I will have 6 treatments, 3 weeks apart for a total of 18 weeks and will continue every three weeks for the rest of the year with the Herceptin. I believe I will start these treatments within the next few weeks and be on my way to being done with all this! It sounds as if I may not get too physically ill, however I will have a numbness in my hands or in general. I guess I'll find out as it happens. I will also lose my hair 14-21 days from my first treatment. Good times.
But on the flip side - the sooner I get this going, the sooner I get all my hair back! AND it might come back thicker and curly or wavy, at least for the first year or so! Interesting.
Thursday I went in for a CAT scan and a MUGA scan to get a baseline for my heart function as the Herceptin is known to have potential heart issues associated with it. I also went to a chemo class that is required for those starting the process. On Monday I have an EKG and a bone scan. Then I meet with my reconstructive surgeon on Thursday for my first fill for my chest expanders (which is going to be interesting because none of my friends or I can are quite sure how they get the saline into that expander - maybe a really small needle? Maybe there's a certain spot that works? Hmmmm...). Friday I meet again with my oncologist.
I think I am going to be very familiar with Abbott Northwestern Hospital soon. I am also pretty sure I'm going to have the track marks of an intravenous drug user by this time next year. ("Which vein should we use today? Ooh - it looks like they just used that one yesterday... Is that the spot where they put your IV? How about this one... no... Here! Right on the side of your hand - see that one? THAT's the one we'll use today...")
On another note - my chest is healing very well - my range of motion gets better each day. I am slowly stretching out and tapping into my past year of yoga to work with my muscles. I am putting the most time into my posture as my post-surgery posture is to hold my shoulders forward and hold my arms out a bit from my body. I consciously pull my shoulders back and move my arms at my side in a more fluid motion. So far, so good. I'm curious about how the expander fill will feel.
I hope all is well with everyone - talk to you soon!
Carrie
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Two weeks out...
It's been two weeks since surgery and I am feeling better each day. My range of motion is improving and I am decreasing my dosage of pain medication as I can. Some days are great, other days I don't feel like I am making much progress, but overall I am doing well. I had my first appointment with the reconstructive surgeon on Thursday and was able to have one of the recovery tube-things removed and will get the other one removed on Thursday. It was a short appointment, but the doctor said that everything was looking good!
I am looking forward to meeting the oncologist on Wednesday and learning more about the structure of my upcoming few months. I have been told that I will be going through chemotherapy, but don't know much about it or how the treatments will be structured. I also hope to find out if I need any radiation, but I am under the impression that I won't.
On a lighter note, I was walking through my kitchen on Wednesday and caught a breeze from the open window. It was chilly and I got the goosebumps. And it happened without warning, just like that. PNS. Yes, folks. Phantom. Nipple. Syndrome. I quickly reached up, but alas, they weren't there. A Matchbox Twenty song from 10 years ago started playing in my head, "When You're Gone..." I tilted my head up in a nostalgic manner... but quickly realized that I don't like that song and was distracted by trying to think of another, more catchy tune.
So, if you have access to some nipples, please twist them and smile. :)
Carrie
I am looking forward to meeting the oncologist on Wednesday and learning more about the structure of my upcoming few months. I have been told that I will be going through chemotherapy, but don't know much about it or how the treatments will be structured. I also hope to find out if I need any radiation, but I am under the impression that I won't.
On a lighter note, I was walking through my kitchen on Wednesday and caught a breeze from the open window. It was chilly and I got the goosebumps. And it happened without warning, just like that. PNS. Yes, folks. Phantom. Nipple. Syndrome. I quickly reached up, but alas, they weren't there. A Matchbox Twenty song from 10 years ago started playing in my head, "When You're Gone..." I tilted my head up in a nostalgic manner... but quickly realized that I don't like that song and was distracted by trying to think of another, more catchy tune.
So, if you have access to some nipples, please twist them and smile. :)
Carrie
Monday, October 12, 2009
Welcome to the Blog and a Bit of Background...
I've been tossing around the idea of starting a blog about travel, food, books, and other random information for awhile now... and here it is! First travel stop is Abbot Northwestern Hospital - which isn't exactly Shanghai, but hey - it's new to me! First, a huge thank you to Kelly Cruz for updating my progress through the surgery and keeping everyone up to speed on my progress. I really appreciate everything she's done for me and continues to help me with - I couldn't ask for a better friend.
A bit of background on what's going on...
On September 16th, I went in for my annual exam and my doctor found a lump in my left breast that I hadn't found in my self-exams. She wasn't overly concerned about it, but recommended that I go in for an ultrasound and mammogram as soon as possible. They made an appointment for me at the Piper Breast Center on September 22nd where they started out with the ultrasound and questions about my family medical history. I do not have a history of breast cancer in my family outside of a single great aunt on my paternal side. The radiologist was concerned with the ultrasound reading and wanted a biopsy done right away - at which point I started to get nervous. They numbed up the area, took four tissue samples, dropped in a small metal marker where they took tissue, and said I would know more by the end of the next day.
I had a call from my doctor by 10 AM the next morning (Wednesday) letting me know that it was indeed cancer and that they would schedule me an appointment with a surgeon as soon as possible. Thursday I went in for an MRI on both sides and met with my surgeon on the following Tuesday, Sept. 29th. We scheduled the bilateral mastectomy on Monday, Oct. 5th. So, in just over two weeks, I had a complete change of plans and experienced emotions and decisions I didn't imagine I would ever be in a position to make.
What I have is called Infiltrative (Invasive) Ductal Carcinoma, grades 2 of 3 and 6 of 9 on the scale that is used. The grade seems to be related to the size of the mass and shape of the cell structure. My original mass was about 1 cm and at the 4 o'clock position. The MRI showed another "area of enhancement" at the 2 o'clock position in the same left breast, and also a benign appearing lymph node on the right side. I am positive for both hormone receptors, estrogen and progesterone, which can be a good thing. However, I am also positive for the HER-2 gene, which makes my cancer more aggressive in nature, which isn't a good thing. We found out after the surgery that my cancer is only in stage one, which is awesome. I feel completely confident that this will all be clear in no time.
I had the option of a lumpectomy with guaranteed radiation, plus more biopsies on the other areas and also on the lymph nodes, but I chose to go with the bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. I am only 31 years old, which is pretty young when talking about breast cancer, and I don't know that I would ever be comfortable trusting myself to find anything again. It would always be in the back of my mind. This way, I may be able to avoid radiation and will also have perky new boobs for the rest of my life! I think this is a pretty decent trade off, all things considered.
As Kelly mentioned, the surgery went great - the lymph nodes were clear (!!) and the reconstruction has already started. The surgeon put expanders or spacers behind my pectoral muscles. He will inject saline into the expanders every few weeks to stretch out the pectoral muscle and skin in preparation for the new implants which will be switched out a few months down the road. So, the new boobs will have my pectoral muscle on the outside... party tricks may ensue... :)
I will also be going through chemotherapy treatments over the next few months. I meet with the oncologist on October 21st to find out more about that schedule and what to expect. I am a bit nervous about the chemo, but again, it's something new that I haven't tried yet and I am cautiously curious about how my body will react. I am planning for losing my hair which gives me the opportunity to save money on salons and also to try out my life long interest in well-done dread locks... If anyone has a lead on a great dread wig - please let me know;) Plus, I might not have to shave my legs for, maybe, a REALLY LONG TIME! Every cloud has its silver lining, as they say.
I hope I've covered everything so far - please let me know if you have any questions or comments. I am hoping to have fun with this blog, so please don't be offended if I make light of topics that are serious. I truly feel lucky to have the type of cancer that I have and to have caught it at the stage that we did. I am looking at this whole experience as a new one that I plan on experiencing with as much humor and grace as possible. I feel that I will be a richer person because of it and will come out on the other end even stronger than I am today.
Thank you to everyone for all the messages and support I have received -it makes such a huge difference to me!
More soon,
Carrie
A bit of background on what's going on...
On September 16th, I went in for my annual exam and my doctor found a lump in my left breast that I hadn't found in my self-exams. She wasn't overly concerned about it, but recommended that I go in for an ultrasound and mammogram as soon as possible. They made an appointment for me at the Piper Breast Center on September 22nd where they started out with the ultrasound and questions about my family medical history. I do not have a history of breast cancer in my family outside of a single great aunt on my paternal side. The radiologist was concerned with the ultrasound reading and wanted a biopsy done right away - at which point I started to get nervous. They numbed up the area, took four tissue samples, dropped in a small metal marker where they took tissue, and said I would know more by the end of the next day.
I had a call from my doctor by 10 AM the next morning (Wednesday) letting me know that it was indeed cancer and that they would schedule me an appointment with a surgeon as soon as possible. Thursday I went in for an MRI on both sides and met with my surgeon on the following Tuesday, Sept. 29th. We scheduled the bilateral mastectomy on Monday, Oct. 5th. So, in just over two weeks, I had a complete change of plans and experienced emotions and decisions I didn't imagine I would ever be in a position to make.
What I have is called Infiltrative (Invasive) Ductal Carcinoma, grades 2 of 3 and 6 of 9 on the scale that is used. The grade seems to be related to the size of the mass and shape of the cell structure. My original mass was about 1 cm and at the 4 o'clock position. The MRI showed another "area of enhancement" at the 2 o'clock position in the same left breast, and also a benign appearing lymph node on the right side. I am positive for both hormone receptors, estrogen and progesterone, which can be a good thing. However, I am also positive for the HER-2 gene, which makes my cancer more aggressive in nature, which isn't a good thing. We found out after the surgery that my cancer is only in stage one, which is awesome. I feel completely confident that this will all be clear in no time.
I had the option of a lumpectomy with guaranteed radiation, plus more biopsies on the other areas and also on the lymph nodes, but I chose to go with the bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. I am only 31 years old, which is pretty young when talking about breast cancer, and I don't know that I would ever be comfortable trusting myself to find anything again. It would always be in the back of my mind. This way, I may be able to avoid radiation and will also have perky new boobs for the rest of my life! I think this is a pretty decent trade off, all things considered.
As Kelly mentioned, the surgery went great - the lymph nodes were clear (!!) and the reconstruction has already started. The surgeon put expanders or spacers behind my pectoral muscles. He will inject saline into the expanders every few weeks to stretch out the pectoral muscle and skin in preparation for the new implants which will be switched out a few months down the road. So, the new boobs will have my pectoral muscle on the outside... party tricks may ensue... :)
I will also be going through chemotherapy treatments over the next few months. I meet with the oncologist on October 21st to find out more about that schedule and what to expect. I am a bit nervous about the chemo, but again, it's something new that I haven't tried yet and I am cautiously curious about how my body will react. I am planning for losing my hair which gives me the opportunity to save money on salons and also to try out my life long interest in well-done dread locks... If anyone has a lead on a great dread wig - please let me know;) Plus, I might not have to shave my legs for, maybe, a REALLY LONG TIME! Every cloud has its silver lining, as they say.
I hope I've covered everything so far - please let me know if you have any questions or comments. I am hoping to have fun with this blog, so please don't be offended if I make light of topics that are serious. I truly feel lucky to have the type of cancer that I have and to have caught it at the stage that we did. I am looking at this whole experience as a new one that I plan on experiencing with as much humor and grace as possible. I feel that I will be a richer person because of it and will come out on the other end even stronger than I am today.
Thank you to everyone for all the messages and support I have received -it makes such a huge difference to me!
More soon,
Carrie
Friday, October 9, 2009
Home
Carrie is at home and doing well. She is happy to be in her own bed and is now able to get some uninterrupted sleep. Her oncology appointment is October 21st, which is when she will find out more about her chemo treatments. Thank you for all of the kind messages and prayers! She really appreciates it!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Pathololgy Results
The surgeon called today with the pathology reports. The 2-day lab tests confirmed that she only has Stage 1 cancer and there is no cancer in her lymph nodes! We are extremely excited to hear that news today. The surgeon still thought she would have to go through chemo, but she will most likely not have to have radiation. The doctors are sending in an acupuncturist and massage therapist to help with the pain before she goes home later today.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Day 2
Carrie is doing exceptionally well today. Both of her surgeons have been in and said everything looks great. As long as everything continues to go well, she will be going home tomorrow. She is completely alert and coherent and even put on makeup this morning and had me straight-iron her hair. We're just praying the final pathology tests come back tomorrow showing her lymph nodes are definitely clear and she'll be on her road to recovery!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Recovering
Carrie is now in her room and resting. She has some pain, but the morphine is definitely helping. The doctors said the surgery could not have gone any better. She has a great attitude and is even making jokes, complimenting the nurses, and carrying on a conversation - that is the Carrie we all know and love! She is at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in the main building, East bank of elevators, in room E3156. Please feel free to come and visit, if you'd like. Also, please feel free to post any comments to this blog and I'll relay them to Carrie. She has enjoyed hearing them! Thanks!
Surgery is over!
The reconstruction surgeon just let us know that Carrie is out of surgery and everything went extremely well. She is currently recovering and we will get to see her in about 2 hours.
The lymph nodes are clear!
Carrie's surgery is going very well and the bi-lateral mastectomy portion of the surgery is over. The surgeon just came out and told us her lymph nodes are cancer free! They will be sending the bioposy samples to the lab for a definitive 2-day test, but everything looks great. The resconstruction portion of the surgery is currently under way and it should be about 1 more hour. I'll update the blog again when she gets out of surgery. Thanks for your continued prayers!
-Kelly Cruz
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
