Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! I have had a great week with friends and family and am again grateful for everyone and everything in my world. Not the least of which is that I am half-way done with my chemo treatments!
You heard me right, folks... I am past the .5 mark, over the hump, the glass is half-empty, comin' around the bend, in the home stretch... I had my third treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th and the Neulasta shot on Saturday and am doing well. The past two weeks have been packed with activity.
I was feeling great the week of my treatment and took full advantage of that time to get as much done at work as I could, shop for Christmas, meet up with friends in town for the holidays, and prep my house for my family. I felt like my old self - healthy and full of energy. So I acted accordingly.
During my treatment, I worked a bit and started on some holiday cards - again, totally productive. I knew I wasn't going to feel sick until Sunday, so I just kept going. I even picked up a set of figure skates and jumped on the ice by my house with the idea of getting in shape outdoors before I felt the effects on Sunday. (The actual skating activity was a tragedy as I haven't had skates on in, um, 19 years... but I WILL get back to skating like I used to...) I was up early, prepping an appetizer for a Christmas party on Saturday, met a friend for lunch, got my shot, went to said Christmas party and had a blast. Woke up on Sunday and went to my aunt's Christmas party and had a great time...
... and ran out of energy like a battery powered monkey toy when I got home. (remember that little monkey toy that always ran out of energy next to the Energizer Bunny? With the cymbals? Anyway...) I went to bed early on Sunday evening and slept basically until Wednesday. I tried to be productive when I was awake, but the treatment just wipes me out.
This round has left me a bit more tired, but still not physically ill. I have felt a bit more nauseous this time around, so I am taking more of the supplementary anti-sick pills they gave me and they have worked well. I can say the timing is somewhat in my favor as I haven't eaten nearly what I normally would during any other major holiday food fest.
Which brings me to another point. Can someone please tell me how, when I am going through chemotherapy, which is notorious for making people lose weight they don't want to lose, I manage to gain weight? Seriously? And no, it's not the differences in scales. It was the same scale. And no, I wasn't wearing heavier shoes. I took my shoes off. Three pounds? WTF? I am still eating, but I am eating less, and what I thought was healthier food (plus jello). I thought for sure that if I pushed my way through chemo, I would at least lose a few pounds as a consolation prize. But no. (And I am not seriously asking for someone to explain this - I don't really want to know. This is a mystery that I don't care to solve. I'll just complain about it.)
Back to the holiday. I did really well this week in my opinion - I kept up with everyone for the holiday celebrations and managed to feel generally well with the help of the anti-sick meds. My house was full to capacity and I loved every minute of it. Everyone was supposed to head back to North Dakota earlier today, but North Dakota was closed today, so they are leaving on Sunday instead in the hope that it re-opens at noon.
I am currently wiped out and so am going to cut this short, but I will update more often now that the holiday craziness has passed. I hope that everyone had a great holiday week with friends and family and that a great 2010 is in the cards!
Carrie
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A Quiet Week
It's been a quiet week on the health front - but that's better than loud, right?
I was in and out of the office this week and working from home otherwise. It feels good to have structure back into my day - and raise my intelligence level back up from the reality daytime TV gutter in which its been wallowing for the past while. It was proven this week that interaction with real, live adults cannot be replicated by pre-recorded TV, no matter how often I talk back to Judge whomever. I don't know how many times I have told Flavor Flav and Ray J that they won't find true love with women named "Like Dat" and "Hot Cocoa," and yet they never listen. I am also sure that I can determine the cause of death of a homicide victim if the cause is blunt force trauma and/or asphyxiation (resulting in the tell-tale petechial hemorrhaging in the eyeballs). Thank you, CSI Las Vegas, Miami, and New York... and all the Law & Orders, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Bones, and First 48. I never thought that I, too, could become so paranoid.
Funny story about the crime shows... When I went into the ER a few weeks ago, this team of young doctors came in to check me out. They were asking about my symptoms and what had been going on for the past week, so I was telling him about my post-chemo weirdness and mentioned my conversation a few days earlier with the nurse.
"... and she said that as my rash wasn't elevated or annoying that it was probably petechiae from my blood vessels..." (or something like that).
"Hm." pause. "Do you have advanced medical training of any kind?"
"Me? No. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you threw out "petechiae" like it was nothing..."
"Oh... I watch CSI." (Duh.)
He snorted and the doctors found it hilarious. Apparently I'm the only one who gets their medical terminology from TV? Or maybe I was the only one dumb enough to admit it...?
On a completely unrelated note, I want to thank the developers of my new favorite food group - Jello. I keep waiting to get tired of the colorful not-really-food option in my fridge, but I don't. Oh sure, some Jello flavors are better than others, hence my six boxes of Peach and Berry Blue that are now on hand at all times.
Did you know... that there is a quick-set method for Jello which involved ice cubes?
Did you know... that if your Jello freezes in the fridge, it breaks down and gets watery?
Did you know... that Jello makes seasonal flavors such as Pina Colada and Margarita?
Did you know... that you can use Vodka in place of water for... wait... of course you know that.
On yet another change of topic - I go in for my third (!!) chemo treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th, which will officially put me at half-way done. I can't believe it is going so quickly. Every day I wake up and wonder if today is the day when I will notice another change. I pay attention to my energy level, to my nose sniffle, to how food tastes and whether or not it makes me queasy enough to warrant an anti-nausea pill.
I've found that so far it's really just a crap shoot - one day I feel great and think how ridiculous it is that I am staying away from germs and really have this "cancer" thing. Another day, like Friday, I pay for "maybe overdo-ing it a bit" and don't have the energy to keep my eyes open at 7 o'clock at night. Some days I can eat anything and everything in sight, while other days the very thought of food makes me cringe and Jello is the only thing that sits well in my stomach. It's strange.
I will try to update this a bit more often, as I think of random thoughts all the time, then forget them within a few days... I had at least five good ones for this entry, but can't for the life of me remember them now. I'll get back to you on that...
Carrie
I was in and out of the office this week and working from home otherwise. It feels good to have structure back into my day - and raise my intelligence level back up from the reality daytime TV gutter in which its been wallowing for the past while. It was proven this week that interaction with real, live adults cannot be replicated by pre-recorded TV, no matter how often I talk back to Judge whomever. I don't know how many times I have told Flavor Flav and Ray J that they won't find true love with women named "Like Dat" and "Hot Cocoa," and yet they never listen. I am also sure that I can determine the cause of death of a homicide victim if the cause is blunt force trauma and/or asphyxiation (resulting in the tell-tale petechial hemorrhaging in the eyeballs). Thank you, CSI Las Vegas, Miami, and New York... and all the Law & Orders, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Bones, and First 48. I never thought that I, too, could become so paranoid.
Funny story about the crime shows... When I went into the ER a few weeks ago, this team of young doctors came in to check me out. They were asking about my symptoms and what had been going on for the past week, so I was telling him about my post-chemo weirdness and mentioned my conversation a few days earlier with the nurse.
"... and she said that as my rash wasn't elevated or annoying that it was probably petechiae from my blood vessels..." (or something like that).
"Hm." pause. "Do you have advanced medical training of any kind?"
"Me? No. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you threw out "petechiae" like it was nothing..."
"Oh... I watch CSI." (Duh.)
He snorted and the doctors found it hilarious. Apparently I'm the only one who gets their medical terminology from TV? Or maybe I was the only one dumb enough to admit it...?
On a completely unrelated note, I want to thank the developers of my new favorite food group - Jello. I keep waiting to get tired of the colorful not-really-food option in my fridge, but I don't. Oh sure, some Jello flavors are better than others, hence my six boxes of Peach and Berry Blue that are now on hand at all times.
Did you know... that there is a quick-set method for Jello which involved ice cubes?
Did you know... that if your Jello freezes in the fridge, it breaks down and gets watery?
Did you know... that Jello makes seasonal flavors such as Pina Colada and Margarita?
Did you know... that you can use Vodka in place of water for... wait... of course you know that.
On yet another change of topic - I go in for my third (!!) chemo treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th, which will officially put me at half-way done. I can't believe it is going so quickly. Every day I wake up and wonder if today is the day when I will notice another change. I pay attention to my energy level, to my nose sniffle, to how food tastes and whether or not it makes me queasy enough to warrant an anti-nausea pill.
I've found that so far it's really just a crap shoot - one day I feel great and think how ridiculous it is that I am staying away from germs and really have this "cancer" thing. Another day, like Friday, I pay for "maybe overdo-ing it a bit" and don't have the energy to keep my eyes open at 7 o'clock at night. Some days I can eat anything and everything in sight, while other days the very thought of food makes me cringe and Jello is the only thing that sits well in my stomach. It's strange.
I will try to update this a bit more often, as I think of random thoughts all the time, then forget them within a few days... I had at least five good ones for this entry, but can't for the life of me remember them now. I'll get back to you on that...
Carrie
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Of All the Hair I've Lost...
Of all the hair I've lost, I miss my nose hair the most.
They're so useful, those little nose hairs. I've never paid much attention to them - nor have I appreciated how nice mine were. I know there's a small grooming division geared at nose hair - hence nose hair trimmers and scissors - and I have appreciated the fact that I've never needed to groom mine. I guess I can say I thought about that one day after watching a commercial for a nose hair trimmer.
When I lost some leg hair, I was pretty excited. I shave all that off anyway - a convenient quirk. When I lost my head hair, I was less upset than I thought I would be, but still kinda weirded out by the fact that I can compare scalp moisturizer with my friend's grandpa. But I can wear hats and/or wigs to work with that loss. The nose hair loss is another thing entirely. My nose runs all the time now. And they don't currently make fake nose hair that I can put on in the mornings - nor can I walk around with Kleenexes stuck up my nose.
*Sigh* It's the little things...
I DID leave my house today though!! This was an event. I even wore a sweater rather than a sweatshirt. I had to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity, and it went well. I went to the No Coast Craft-o-Rama at the Midtown Global Market, checked out the goods, and had lunch. I packed my hand sanitizer and Kleenexes so I would be prepared to enter a public place with potential cooties.
A quick note on the Midtown Global Market - if you live in the cities, I highly recommend checking it out. It's on Lake St and has a ton of food stands, crafts, global kiosks, live music often, global food shops - it's one of my favorite spots. (They also have free napkins at all their food spots - just as good as Kleenex...)
Overall, I've been feeling much better after my second round of chemo than after my first. I feel that the shot to boost my white blood cell count had a great impact on my ability to handle the treatment. I was more tired to begin with, but didn't get so sick. I was worried about my mouth falling apart again or catching the plague and ending up back in the hospital bubble. So far, so good. I have been much more careful this time as well, which had to help. The company I work for is awesome and allows me the flexibility to work from home as needed, so that has allowed me to stay inside and unexposed. As for the mouth sores, I rinse at least 5 times a day with a baking soda/salt mix and stay away from any food that could irritate it.
I just might be getting the hang of this cancer stuff... Hehehe. At this time last round, I was sitting in the hospital... now I'm sitting in my office! Success!
I did find something strange this week - I'm ok with it now, but it freaked me out at the time. (A quick warning that this may make surgery-queasy people a bit queasy...)
I was putting lotion on my port incision this week and felt what I thought was a small scab, so I figured I will pull it off as is consistent with my impatient healing tendencies. It was really small, though, and wouldn't come all the way off - only the corner. So I grabbed a tweezers and focused in to finish the job. But it still wouldn't budge - and it hurt. I moved in close to the mirror to check it out and noticed that the tiny little scab had frayed.
Frayed.
Like a string.
A string that was sticking out of my chest.
Which meant that it was attached to something in my chest.
I stopped and blinked a few times. I set down the tweezers and then visualized what could possibly be held together by this little string. My vein? The port? My vein to the port? Ugh. Great. What if my vein sprung a little leak because I was pulling on the string? What if the port suddenly came un- port-ed to the place it was port-ed to? Oh my gosh, am I getting a headache? Do people get headaches from leaky veins? I had to sit down.
I came to the conclusion 6 second later that I'm an idiot and it's nothing. But I will think twice before messing with small scabs again.
Random thought: I was watching a TV show on body modification where people get objects implanted under their skin, such as horns and crosses, so that their skin is visibly raised in that shape. My port raises my skin up about a square inch. I wonder if I could convince someone I'm into shaving my head and getting body mods?
Today, I'm dedicating a song to my nose hairs: Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got ('Till It's Gone)." It's a throw back, I know. But nothing conveys loss like an 80's rock ballad. So here's to you, nose hairs... until we meet again. (sniffle sniffle)
Carrie
They're so useful, those little nose hairs. I've never paid much attention to them - nor have I appreciated how nice mine were. I know there's a small grooming division geared at nose hair - hence nose hair trimmers and scissors - and I have appreciated the fact that I've never needed to groom mine. I guess I can say I thought about that one day after watching a commercial for a nose hair trimmer.
When I lost some leg hair, I was pretty excited. I shave all that off anyway - a convenient quirk. When I lost my head hair, I was less upset than I thought I would be, but still kinda weirded out by the fact that I can compare scalp moisturizer with my friend's grandpa. But I can wear hats and/or wigs to work with that loss. The nose hair loss is another thing entirely. My nose runs all the time now. And they don't currently make fake nose hair that I can put on in the mornings - nor can I walk around with Kleenexes stuck up my nose.
*Sigh* It's the little things...
I DID leave my house today though!! This was an event. I even wore a sweater rather than a sweatshirt. I had to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity, and it went well. I went to the No Coast Craft-o-Rama at the Midtown Global Market, checked out the goods, and had lunch. I packed my hand sanitizer and Kleenexes so I would be prepared to enter a public place with potential cooties.
A quick note on the Midtown Global Market - if you live in the cities, I highly recommend checking it out. It's on Lake St and has a ton of food stands, crafts, global kiosks, live music often, global food shops - it's one of my favorite spots. (They also have free napkins at all their food spots - just as good as Kleenex...)
Overall, I've been feeling much better after my second round of chemo than after my first. I feel that the shot to boost my white blood cell count had a great impact on my ability to handle the treatment. I was more tired to begin with, but didn't get so sick. I was worried about my mouth falling apart again or catching the plague and ending up back in the hospital bubble. So far, so good. I have been much more careful this time as well, which had to help. The company I work for is awesome and allows me the flexibility to work from home as needed, so that has allowed me to stay inside and unexposed. As for the mouth sores, I rinse at least 5 times a day with a baking soda/salt mix and stay away from any food that could irritate it.
I just might be getting the hang of this cancer stuff... Hehehe. At this time last round, I was sitting in the hospital... now I'm sitting in my office! Success!
I did find something strange this week - I'm ok with it now, but it freaked me out at the time. (A quick warning that this may make surgery-queasy people a bit queasy...)
I was putting lotion on my port incision this week and felt what I thought was a small scab, so I figured I will pull it off as is consistent with my impatient healing tendencies. It was really small, though, and wouldn't come all the way off - only the corner. So I grabbed a tweezers and focused in to finish the job. But it still wouldn't budge - and it hurt. I moved in close to the mirror to check it out and noticed that the tiny little scab had frayed.
Frayed.
Like a string.
A string that was sticking out of my chest.
Which meant that it was attached to something in my chest.
I stopped and blinked a few times. I set down the tweezers and then visualized what could possibly be held together by this little string. My vein? The port? My vein to the port? Ugh. Great. What if my vein sprung a little leak because I was pulling on the string? What if the port suddenly came un- port-ed to the place it was port-ed to? Oh my gosh, am I getting a headache? Do people get headaches from leaky veins? I had to sit down.
I came to the conclusion 6 second later that I'm an idiot and it's nothing. But I will think twice before messing with small scabs again.
Random thought: I was watching a TV show on body modification where people get objects implanted under their skin, such as horns and crosses, so that their skin is visibly raised in that shape. My port raises my skin up about a square inch. I wonder if I could convince someone I'm into shaving my head and getting body mods?
Today, I'm dedicating a song to my nose hairs: Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got ('Till It's Gone)." It's a throw back, I know. But nothing conveys loss like an 80's rock ballad. So here's to you, nose hairs... until we meet again. (sniffle sniffle)
Carrie
Friday, November 27, 2009
Giving Thanks
It's been a pretty interesting past week and alot has happened. First and foremost, though, I want to talk a bit about Thanksgiving and get a little bit sappy.
Thanksgiving comes and goes annually with family, food, football, friends, and all the rest. Each year, we go through the exercise of listing out that for which we are thankful and appreciating all that we have within our world. This year I have so much to be thankful for that it blows my mind. It is hard for me to put into words how incredibly grateful I am to have such wonderful friends and family who continue to help me through my current situation with laughter, support, tears, and more generosity of spirit than I thought possible.
From the day I found out I had breast cancer, my feet have not touched the ground. I feel that I am floating on the shoulders of all the people who continue to support me and send thoughts and prayers my way. Someday, I hope to be able to convey my deep gratitude and thanks in a manner which is truly felt by everyone. Until then, please know how loved and lucky I feel to have so much love in my world.
Another thing that I am truly grateful for is my health. I have thought a great deal about this and I don't mean it to come across as sarcastic in any way. I am so thankful that what I am working with is treatable and fixable, and that I don't have any underlying complications to work around. I am one of the lucky ones. For this I will be forever grateful and I will work every day to appreciate my body and my health in a new way.
My parents came down for Thanksgiving and I am thrilled they are here. I had my second chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday, so I have been spending most of my time laying on the couch or in bed as this round wiped me out a bit. Still, no nausea or sickness, which is great. However, I am just exhausted.
This treatment schedule added a new twist - a shot called Neulastra (I believe) which is designed to boost my bone marrow production and therefore increase my white blood cell count so that it doesn't get as dangerously low as it did the last time. Hopefully, this will allow me to avoid a hospital stay and not get quite as run down. So, we'll see how it goes and hope for the best!
The most significant change to me is my hair. It's all gone. And I now understand stocking caps on a completely different level - the necessity level.
Last week in the hospital, I felt the soreness, etc, that signaled upcoming hair loss. I was a bit nervous - I wasn't sure how I would handle pulling hair out of my head. I had visions of bursting into tears or completely freaking out and wanting it all off RIGHT NOW!! But what actually happened was different.
I noticed a few random hairs on Friday morning, then reached up and pulled out a good sized hairs out of my head. Instead of crying, I was more interested in the quantity of hair and where they came from. So I started pulling more from different areas and they just kept coming! So I then got dressed and went outside to see how many I could pull out on my own - there was a nice breeze, the sun was shining, and I was hoping that my hair could somehow be recycled into nests for birds. I felt a certain satisfaction when I pulled out a larger clump than a smaller one and would try to match the large chunk again the next time. I soon decided to pull my hair up in a pony tail so as to not have all my fun at once.
Later that night, I ran my hands through my hair and it was noticeably thinner, and that's what bothered me. Not the pulling out of the hair, but rather the feeling of it being gone. That was much more uncomfortable to me and I decided I wanted to take care of it myself.
A quick side note here to my awesome friend KJ who called me on Friday night to tell me she is shaving her head RIGHT NOW because she can! We laughed and I felt so privileged that she would do this for me and it helped me make the decision to shave it all off.
So my friend Erik showed up on Saturday morning with his full clipper set and we went to town on my hair. I only cried once as I put my hand up to my forehead as the hair fell down around my chair. I was proud of myself to be doing this, proud to have Erik helping me with it, and scared of what it would look like. Erik and I quickly agreed that the mohawk look wasn't my thing, so it all came off. Wow. That was crazy.
I will post a pic up when I get them on the computer. So far, I am getting much more used to the look, thanks to everyone's supportive verbiage. Hats, though, are key I believe. My head gets pretty cold pretty quickly.
I hope that everyone reading this had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and took just a few minutes to give thanks for all the love and life around you.
Talk to you soon,
Carrie
Thanksgiving comes and goes annually with family, food, football, friends, and all the rest. Each year, we go through the exercise of listing out that for which we are thankful and appreciating all that we have within our world. This year I have so much to be thankful for that it blows my mind. It is hard for me to put into words how incredibly grateful I am to have such wonderful friends and family who continue to help me through my current situation with laughter, support, tears, and more generosity of spirit than I thought possible.
From the day I found out I had breast cancer, my feet have not touched the ground. I feel that I am floating on the shoulders of all the people who continue to support me and send thoughts and prayers my way. Someday, I hope to be able to convey my deep gratitude and thanks in a manner which is truly felt by everyone. Until then, please know how loved and lucky I feel to have so much love in my world.
Another thing that I am truly grateful for is my health. I have thought a great deal about this and I don't mean it to come across as sarcastic in any way. I am so thankful that what I am working with is treatable and fixable, and that I don't have any underlying complications to work around. I am one of the lucky ones. For this I will be forever grateful and I will work every day to appreciate my body and my health in a new way.
My parents came down for Thanksgiving and I am thrilled they are here. I had my second chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday, so I have been spending most of my time laying on the couch or in bed as this round wiped me out a bit. Still, no nausea or sickness, which is great. However, I am just exhausted.
This treatment schedule added a new twist - a shot called Neulastra (I believe) which is designed to boost my bone marrow production and therefore increase my white blood cell count so that it doesn't get as dangerously low as it did the last time. Hopefully, this will allow me to avoid a hospital stay and not get quite as run down. So, we'll see how it goes and hope for the best!
The most significant change to me is my hair. It's all gone. And I now understand stocking caps on a completely different level - the necessity level.
Last week in the hospital, I felt the soreness, etc, that signaled upcoming hair loss. I was a bit nervous - I wasn't sure how I would handle pulling hair out of my head. I had visions of bursting into tears or completely freaking out and wanting it all off RIGHT NOW!! But what actually happened was different.
I noticed a few random hairs on Friday morning, then reached up and pulled out a good sized hairs out of my head. Instead of crying, I was more interested in the quantity of hair and where they came from. So I started pulling more from different areas and they just kept coming! So I then got dressed and went outside to see how many I could pull out on my own - there was a nice breeze, the sun was shining, and I was hoping that my hair could somehow be recycled into nests for birds. I felt a certain satisfaction when I pulled out a larger clump than a smaller one and would try to match the large chunk again the next time. I soon decided to pull my hair up in a pony tail so as to not have all my fun at once.
Later that night, I ran my hands through my hair and it was noticeably thinner, and that's what bothered me. Not the pulling out of the hair, but rather the feeling of it being gone. That was much more uncomfortable to me and I decided I wanted to take care of it myself.
A quick side note here to my awesome friend KJ who called me on Friday night to tell me she is shaving her head RIGHT NOW because she can! We laughed and I felt so privileged that she would do this for me and it helped me make the decision to shave it all off.
So my friend Erik showed up on Saturday morning with his full clipper set and we went to town on my hair. I only cried once as I put my hand up to my forehead as the hair fell down around my chair. I was proud of myself to be doing this, proud to have Erik helping me with it, and scared of what it would look like. Erik and I quickly agreed that the mohawk look wasn't my thing, so it all came off. Wow. That was crazy.
I will post a pic up when I get them on the computer. So far, I am getting much more used to the look, thanks to everyone's supportive verbiage. Hats, though, are key I believe. My head gets pretty cold pretty quickly.
I hope that everyone reading this had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and took just a few minutes to give thanks for all the love and life around you.
Talk to you soon,
Carrie
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Morphine and Ice Cream
I'm back.
I'm eating again as well. My mouth is healing quickly as my neutrophil count increases and I swear that I will never take my mouth for granted again. Wow - that was amazingly painful and unnerving.
I was doing great until after dinner on Friday night when I started to have some stomach issues, then started to get a fever, which went away a few hours later. Saturday I stayed in bed as I could feel myself getting sick and knew from talking to the nurse that my counts were at their lowest. The nurse also made it clear that I would be apt to catch anything I came into contact with and that if my fever went above 100 that I should probably go into the ER. My mouth started to get much more painful, so I ate Jello and an ice cream until trying out some mac & cheese at dinner time. My throat started to get sore that night and my fever came back higher - from anywhere to 99.8 to 100.8. The on-call oncologist (ha!) said to stay home as I wasn't shaking or shivering, and my fever went back down. I thought I was in the clear.
That is, until Kelly called on Sunday. "Why didn't you go into the hospital?!" "Because the doctor said I would be fine." "Who did you talk to?" "The on call oncologist (ha)." "That can't be right. I think you should go in." ... 5 minute time delay... "Jenny is on her way over to bring you to the ER. I called today's on-call doctor and he said to come in immediately. I can't believe that you didn't go in last night - why didn't you call me? I would have told you to go in!"
So Jenny shows up at my door with bags of groceries that can either be put into a blender for a smoothie, popsicles, fudge-sicles, a smattering of healthy soy things, and a squash (which is not going into a smoothie under any circumstances). At this point I am very glad to be going to the hospital. I can hardly talk because it requires mouth movement and am out of the only food I can eat - Jello.
Long story short - Kelly was right. I really needed to be in the hospital as my counts were freakishly low - much lower than the doctors had expected they drop to and much lower than is safe. So, they admitted me into a special "girl in the bubble" room until my counts went up, which they expected to be 3-4 days. I spent three nights there in all.
Maybe I'm strange - people think I'm joking when I tell them how much I like airports. I can also say that I like hospitals. Maybe it's just Abbott. I don't know. But I really feel comfortable there, well cared for, and that I'm getting the treatments I need to feel better. The nurses are fantastic, the doctors I have been in contact with are great, and I have my own room. Plus, they bring me food. AND the nurses bring me ice cream.
One example of why I love the hospital...
"Good morning Carrie - how are you feeling?"
"Good morning - I'm ok - my mouth is kinda sore... May I please have a shot of morphine?"
"Sure! Let me go grab that - is there anything else I can get for you? Are you hungry?"
"Um... do you have any raspberry sherbet?"
"Yep - I'll be right back."
Sweet.
My mom drove down on Sunday and hung out at the hospital with me during the day. When I got home, my mouth was feeling a great deal better, though not totally healed. I was able to eat soft foods easier, so mom heated up some homemade soup and made me a grilled cheese sandwich - I gummed down two bowls and a second sandwich. Oh food, how I missed you.
I am now basically quarantined to my house and the outdoors - no enclosed public buildings that may have cooties. No restaurants or stores or anyplace fun. I am ok with this as I have a greater understanding of how vulnerable I am right now and respect that.
One lesson I have learned this past week is that I am not in control of my body right now and I need to understand and accept that. No matter how positive my attitude is or how many Tylenol I take, my body is going through changes that I cannot control. I am learning to work with the changes, but I need to respect that I am not as strong as I am accustomed to being and cannot respond to these changes as I would normally respond to others.
I had a hard time with that this week - maybe a tougher time with this concept than the overall fact that I have breast cancer. Having cancer, to me, was a diagnosis with a solution and an end date. I had options, I chose my option. I had doctor appointments, which I went to. I had surgery, and recovered. I need chemotherapy, which I started. I got sick, and that's where I got lost. It freaked me out a bit that my body isn't reacting to the treatments as well as I thought it would. I thought that being young and healthy would allow me to ease my way through this without too much change. I knew I would lose my hair and that I would get a bit sick, but I wasn't prepared for my body to stop working on my behalf. Now I know more, and will care for it accordingly.
So, I'll be at home. Chillin' with the 'Lil Bigs. (That's my dog, Bixby;) I might even get Ginger for the weekend. (I call her 'Lil Jiggs, only because it rhymes. She's not little, or jiggly.)
Random thought - I wonder if anyone named their pet Chemo? I know a Kila, and a Nemo... maybe if you spelled it with a K - Kemo? It's a cool sounding word, but maybe strange connotations... hm. I'll ask Alice... when she's ten feet tall...
Carrie
I'm eating again as well. My mouth is healing quickly as my neutrophil count increases and I swear that I will never take my mouth for granted again. Wow - that was amazingly painful and unnerving.
I was doing great until after dinner on Friday night when I started to have some stomach issues, then started to get a fever, which went away a few hours later. Saturday I stayed in bed as I could feel myself getting sick and knew from talking to the nurse that my counts were at their lowest. The nurse also made it clear that I would be apt to catch anything I came into contact with and that if my fever went above 100 that I should probably go into the ER. My mouth started to get much more painful, so I ate Jello and an ice cream until trying out some mac & cheese at dinner time. My throat started to get sore that night and my fever came back higher - from anywhere to 99.8 to 100.8. The on-call oncologist (ha!) said to stay home as I wasn't shaking or shivering, and my fever went back down. I thought I was in the clear.
That is, until Kelly called on Sunday. "Why didn't you go into the hospital?!" "Because the doctor said I would be fine." "Who did you talk to?" "The on call oncologist (ha)." "That can't be right. I think you should go in." ... 5 minute time delay... "Jenny is on her way over to bring you to the ER. I called today's on-call doctor and he said to come in immediately. I can't believe that you didn't go in last night - why didn't you call me? I would have told you to go in!"
So Jenny shows up at my door with bags of groceries that can either be put into a blender for a smoothie, popsicles, fudge-sicles, a smattering of healthy soy things, and a squash (which is not going into a smoothie under any circumstances). At this point I am very glad to be going to the hospital. I can hardly talk because it requires mouth movement and am out of the only food I can eat - Jello.
Long story short - Kelly was right. I really needed to be in the hospital as my counts were freakishly low - much lower than the doctors had expected they drop to and much lower than is safe. So, they admitted me into a special "girl in the bubble" room until my counts went up, which they expected to be 3-4 days. I spent three nights there in all.
Maybe I'm strange - people think I'm joking when I tell them how much I like airports. I can also say that I like hospitals. Maybe it's just Abbott. I don't know. But I really feel comfortable there, well cared for, and that I'm getting the treatments I need to feel better. The nurses are fantastic, the doctors I have been in contact with are great, and I have my own room. Plus, they bring me food. AND the nurses bring me ice cream.
One example of why I love the hospital...
"Good morning Carrie - how are you feeling?"
"Good morning - I'm ok - my mouth is kinda sore... May I please have a shot of morphine?"
"Sure! Let me go grab that - is there anything else I can get for you? Are you hungry?"
"Um... do you have any raspberry sherbet?"
"Yep - I'll be right back."
Sweet.
My mom drove down on Sunday and hung out at the hospital with me during the day. When I got home, my mouth was feeling a great deal better, though not totally healed. I was able to eat soft foods easier, so mom heated up some homemade soup and made me a grilled cheese sandwich - I gummed down two bowls and a second sandwich. Oh food, how I missed you.
I am now basically quarantined to my house and the outdoors - no enclosed public buildings that may have cooties. No restaurants or stores or anyplace fun. I am ok with this as I have a greater understanding of how vulnerable I am right now and respect that.
One lesson I have learned this past week is that I am not in control of my body right now and I need to understand and accept that. No matter how positive my attitude is or how many Tylenol I take, my body is going through changes that I cannot control. I am learning to work with the changes, but I need to respect that I am not as strong as I am accustomed to being and cannot respond to these changes as I would normally respond to others.
I had a hard time with that this week - maybe a tougher time with this concept than the overall fact that I have breast cancer. Having cancer, to me, was a diagnosis with a solution and an end date. I had options, I chose my option. I had doctor appointments, which I went to. I had surgery, and recovered. I need chemotherapy, which I started. I got sick, and that's where I got lost. It freaked me out a bit that my body isn't reacting to the treatments as well as I thought it would. I thought that being young and healthy would allow me to ease my way through this without too much change. I knew I would lose my hair and that I would get a bit sick, but I wasn't prepared for my body to stop working on my behalf. Now I know more, and will care for it accordingly.
So, I'll be at home. Chillin' with the 'Lil Bigs. (That's my dog, Bixby;) I might even get Ginger for the weekend. (I call her 'Lil Jiggs, only because it rhymes. She's not little, or jiggly.)
Random thought - I wonder if anyone named their pet Chemo? I know a Kila, and a Nemo... maybe if you spelled it with a K - Kemo? It's a cool sounding word, but maybe strange connotations... hm. I'll ask Alice... when she's ten feet tall...
Carrie
Home from the Hospital
Carrie was able to come home from the hospital yesterday. Her white blood cell count was still low at 1.9, but her neutrophils were up to 300/1000. This is still low, so she is not able to leave her house and can't be around anyone that has been sick. Her mouth is starting to feel better and she has antibiotics to take to continue to help fight any infection. She is happy to be back home & her oncologist will be giving her an injection to help boost her white blood cell count before her next chemo treatments. She is feeling much better than when she went in last Sunday. Thanks for all of the get well wishes!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Chemo Rears It's Ugly Head
Unfortunately the chemo side effects have caught up with Carrie. She had a rough weekend and was in quite a bit of pain from throat, mouth, tongue & gum sores. Her fever spiked a few times this weekend and she was having trouble eating and swallowing, so the on-call doctor on Sunday told her to go to the emergency room. She found out her counts was extremely low, and they admitted her into the hospital where she will most likely be for 3-4 days. The thought was that the sores in her mouth were also in her GI tract, which could have caused a tear or an infection. They have been keeping her on IV antibiotics to help stop any potential infection & gave her morphine & magic mouthwash for her mouth soreness. Today her neutophil count (key component in the body's fight against disease & infection) is up to 120 out of 1000. When she was admitted to the hospital, she was at 50 and they are hoping to get her up above 500 before she gets released. Her white blood cells were still down this morning, but went up from 1.2 yesterday to 2.0 this afternoon. Her potassium levels were also down so they have given her potassium supplements. She is at Abbott and is able to have visitors, although the doctor requested that if you or anyone you know has been sick or had any symptoms of sickness, to please refrain from visiting. Carrie is extremely susceptible to disease and infection right now and can't take any risks. She is in an area of the hospital that has filtered air, a sealed door and is kept as germ-free as possible. If you do visit, the doctor asked to please use the sink outside of her room to wash your hands and use the anti-bacterial soap before you go into her room. Amazingly, she still has a great attitude and thanks everyone for their thoughts and prayers! Please feel free to email or call me with any questions: kelly.cruz@gmail.com or 612-269-0659. Thanks!
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