Three things are getting on my nerves these days... I am going to complain a bit - even though I am lucky to be complaining only about the following...
Fatigue. I know that chemo is set up to wipe me out, but it gets on my nerves. When I get tired, I get really tired. It's frustrating and unpredictable. When I feel like I have energy, I take advantage of it and function normally and try to get as much done as possible. Although stuff gets done and I feel good about what I accomplished, this generally backfires and I end up completely exhausted. I basically slept for two days after the holidays and spent a relaxing New Year's Eve hanging with my doggies.
Today I woke up clear headed (which is great as I have had a head cold thing dragging for the past week or so) and had energy! So I cleaned a bit of my house, cleaned out one of my dressers, pulled out my "miracle steam machine" to clean the bathroom and then prepared the "miracle steam machine" for goodwill donation, packed away some glassware, and then decided to do some yoga. I did about an hour of light yoga - maybe 5 poses that were taxing which lasted a very short time and spent the rest of my yoga stretching out every muscle I could feel. I was so happy with myself - and I didn't even break a sweat.
Then, the fatigue. I stood up from my mat, was upright for about 2 minutes, and then was sitting with my head in my hands waiting to see if I was going to be sick. I couldn't believe that I hadn't been sick from chemo until yoga?! I sat still until I was confident that I would be ok (maybe 10 minutes), then started shaking and yawning and slept for 3 hours on Tylenol. I am taking this as a good reminder that I have poison hanging out in my system, and doing stretching exercises for the first time in a few weeks may have loosened some of that junk up into my system. Who knows.
Nosebleeds. Topic two is nosebleeds. I don't like them. I don't like to get them. I don't like to have them. I go for a little over a week where I get them once or twice a day. I am nervous every time I have to blow my nose, which is almost constantly as I have no nose hair (see previous mourning post) and it runs all the time. I never know what's going to happen when I get a sniffle. Not cool.
Hot Flashes. Topic three is hot flashes. They are at their worst the week after treatment for me. I don't like them. I don't like having them. I don't like when my "nicely shaped head" sweats like a cartoon. Yuck. I'm not sure what else to say about these little beauties. I just erased a profanity telling them exactly where to go - I think it came across more angry than annoyed. I'm just very annoyed by them. My regulator is off and I can't fix it.
On a side note, I have noticed that after this third treatment, I am experiencing more nausea than I had before. This hasn't really gone away. Don't worry, though, I'm still eating like a semi-healthy but drawn to chocolate chip cookies kinda girl. I haven't figured out if the nausea is tied more to eating or to fatigue. Either way, I am shocked that I haven't been sick yet as my stomach was my main concern going into chemo. I was confident that would be the first thing to go. Maybe another lesson in all this is that things don't always go the way I expect them to. Hmmmm...
My fourth treatment is on Thursday, Jan. 7th. I also meet with the plastic surgeon that day to figure out if I need anymore boob fills.
Happy New Year everyone!
Carrie
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It's all difficult and I sure wish it could be easier. Thank goodness you aren't hanging over the toilet barfing up everything you eat. Life could be worse. Oh, and I do remember hot flashes. I had an hysterectomy when I was 50 because cancer-like cells had been found and could not be removed. I only had one ovary and the doctor said he saw no reason to leave the other one...it could only cause problems. So I woke up with immediate menopause. I did have a shot that was suppose to last for 6 months and then started on a regimen of drugs...it took 10 years before I moved and found another doctor, she's just over 40 and felt I should stop with the HRT...my doctor in Fairbanks was in his mid 60's and didn't really read up on stuff like that!!! Some days I think it's a wonder any of us survive beyond puberty with what our so called "magician doctors" really know. Bless their hearts. We put them on pedestals and then when they fall off, we criticize them.
ReplyDeleteHaving your own sauna is an interesting diversion! You are too young to have to deal with this stuff...but you are just getting prepared for when you do turn 55 or 60. You won't be as shocked as I was! You remain so positive. Even though I know you are dealing with less than perfect conditions, you swing with the wind that comes at you. Should I deal with these same issues (and let's face it, more women will than won't) I hope I can learn from you to deal with all of it with grace and poise and humor.
Have you ever done Redwork? It's embroidery with red thread. I have many patterns and lots of dish towels if you'd be interested in trying to do some of it, I'd love to get you interested. Who can't use dishtowels and what fun to see your own handiwork.
Keep up the strength of character...even though you might think you are a character enough...God must have a goal for you. Will be a challenge to see where he intends you to go!!! Shirley (it's now almost 4am on Jan 3rd...hard for me to go to bed when I drink coffee after 5 at night!)
Just wanted t0 tell y0u I was thinking ab0ut y0u and y0ur beautiful j0urney the 0ther day. I smiled 0utl0ud at the th0ught 0f all the pe0ples lives y0u will and have t0uched thr0ugh y0ur crazy, scary, amazing, painful r0ad y0uve been traveling. Y0u are as amazing as I th0ught y0u w0uld be and I am a better pers0n f0r meeting y0u even briefly. Carrie keep finding the j0y in the pain and the beauty in the ugliness and y0u will 0ut live us all!
ReplyDeleteps d0nt laugh at my big 0h's...my little 0 is br0ken hahaha 0k g0 ahead and laugh!