Spring Has Sprung

I am six weeks past my last chemo treatment and I feel awesome. I am getting my energy back and feel more like myself again. I didn't realize how wiped out I was until I started to feel better - what a difference! I can't believe the progress my body has made. Things that used to exhaust me - like going to the grocery store or, on a bad day, stairs - are back in their normal category of normal again. I can go up and down the stairs as often as I want to. And as fast as I want to. And I can do it again and again and again! HA!!

I went in to see my oncologist on Friday and had the Herceptin drip. They ran blood work and started me on Tamoxifin, which I will be on daily for the next five years. My doc wrote me my second hand-written note (which freaked me out a bit as the only other time he did this was to explain why I was having chemo) which explained why I am on Tamoxifin. To my understanding, this drug treats my "estrogen positive" status. Normally, when estrogen is released, breast cells start making milk, then quit after the body figures out it isn't pregnant, then starts the process again the next month. My estrogen positive status means that my breast CANCER cells, rather than making milk, just make more cancer cells. So, this is bad. However, the ability to treat this with Tamoxifin is good. This is what I took away from the conversation.

It's amazing the technologies and medications that are now available to treat cancer. Obviously, there isn't a cancer cure, but so much progress has been made, and continues to be made. As my doc and I were talking about the new drug and I was asking questions about my cancer, he said that my estrogen-positive level was high - in the 70s I think he said.

"Wow," I said (not understanding why that was high or what in comparison to that would be normal). "So is that was screwed me?"

"Nope," he said. "What would have screwed you 10 years ago would be the HER-2 over-expressed issue. But now, we have drugs to treat that like Herceptin..."

Huh.

So I sat on that thought for a bit and asked the nurse about it when I was on the drip. I told her in a nutshell what the doc had said. I asked her what exactly my options would have been 10 years ago being HER-2 positive. She stopped and looked at me for a second, then crouched down next to my chair. I can't remember her exact words, I wish I could. But essentially, she said that they have made such progress in treatments that they are now more able to manage cancer than to chase it. People who used to be diagnosed and given a time frame to live are now alive for a very long time. I didn't get the impression that I would have been given a time frame, but that it would have been much more difficult to manage.

The doc also said that if this cancer ever comes back, which it shouldn't, but if it does, that they won't be able to cure it, only treat it. Ok. I'm ok with that.

Ten years ago, I was an adult. (That's one funny thing about being an adult - at some point you realize you've been one for awhile.) I was working on my undergrad thesis, I had my own apartment, I owned a car, I was in love with my boyfriend, I was old enough to vote, old enough to go to the bar, old enough to be on my own. My body was fully grown, no more adds to wait for. If I would have had this cancer ten years ago, I may have been in trouble. I am not in trouble. How lucky am I?

Random thought: What will the world look like on the day they cure cancer? Will it be like D-Day in Times Square with streamers falling from the sky and people kissing in the streets? Will there be unabashed joy in every city in the world? There should be. When will this be the standard - "Where's John today?" "Oh, he got cancer. He'll be back next week." "Cool. Tell him hi."

On a different note, I haven't shaved my head in over two weeks! I am getting hair back, although unevenly. There are a few spots that are slow movers, so I'm looking a little post-apocalyptic these days. I joke that I'm experiencing male pattern balding. I just hope to god that I don't have to resort to a comb-over at age 32. Everyone swears that it all comes back, but I'll believe it when I see it. I know my rogue chin hair came back (that little ba*@&rd), so I guess we're on the right track.

I'm also working on getting my atrophied muscles back into shape. I am doing my own version of yoga and may have finally found a workout that doesn't suck! I am calling it Rock Yoga! Yes! You heard it here! A brand new thing! It's a combination of yoga and headbanging. It works for me.

I'm all about the relaxation yoga and centering your thoughts, etc... But why would you want to center your thoughts when you can... rock out to Blink 182!? My thoughts are centered... ON AIR GUITAR YO! When the music gets too good to just stretch, then it morphs into a weird dance routine, which I like to consider the cardio portion of the set. Jumping and headbanging and general merriment. Then I get tired and go back to stretching... until the Cult starts playing and how can you not participate when Fire Woman is on?!

I'm back and work and so happy to have my head back in my job. I'm also working on school and looking forward to everything continuing on its current track. I am meeting with the geneticist regarding a few more tests in May. Then, on July 16th I get my new boobs. I am REALLY looking forward to getting these temporary hard-as-a-rock spacers switched out for the new, sleek and stylin' version.

So, all is well here. I am so glad it's spring and that my energy is coming back. I'm also REALLY happy that it isn't taking as long as they said it might, because I have stuff to do and it feels good to be doing it again.

Random thought #2: I just read through my post. I believe it's probably called aerobics. But whatever. It's ROCK YOGA in my book. And in my world, my book. :)

Carrie