Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! I have had a great week with friends and family and am again grateful for everyone and everything in my world. Not the least of which is that I am half-way done with my chemo treatments!
You heard me right, folks... I am past the .5 mark, over the hump, the glass is half-empty, comin' around the bend, in the home stretch... I had my third treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th and the Neulasta shot on Saturday and am doing well. The past two weeks have been packed with activity.
I was feeling great the week of my treatment and took full advantage of that time to get as much done at work as I could, shop for Christmas, meet up with friends in town for the holidays, and prep my house for my family. I felt like my old self - healthy and full of energy. So I acted accordingly.
During my treatment, I worked a bit and started on some holiday cards - again, totally productive. I knew I wasn't going to feel sick until Sunday, so I just kept going. I even picked up a set of figure skates and jumped on the ice by my house with the idea of getting in shape outdoors before I felt the effects on Sunday. (The actual skating activity was a tragedy as I haven't had skates on in, um, 19 years... but I WILL get back to skating like I used to...) I was up early, prepping an appetizer for a Christmas party on Saturday, met a friend for lunch, got my shot, went to said Christmas party and had a blast. Woke up on Sunday and went to my aunt's Christmas party and had a great time...
... and ran out of energy like a battery powered monkey toy when I got home. (remember that little monkey toy that always ran out of energy next to the Energizer Bunny? With the cymbals? Anyway...) I went to bed early on Sunday evening and slept basically until Wednesday. I tried to be productive when I was awake, but the treatment just wipes me out.
This round has left me a bit more tired, but still not physically ill. I have felt a bit more nauseous this time around, so I am taking more of the supplementary anti-sick pills they gave me and they have worked well. I can say the timing is somewhat in my favor as I haven't eaten nearly what I normally would during any other major holiday food fest.
Which brings me to another point. Can someone please tell me how, when I am going through chemotherapy, which is notorious for making people lose weight they don't want to lose, I manage to gain weight? Seriously? And no, it's not the differences in scales. It was the same scale. And no, I wasn't wearing heavier shoes. I took my shoes off. Three pounds? WTF? I am still eating, but I am eating less, and what I thought was healthier food (plus jello). I thought for sure that if I pushed my way through chemo, I would at least lose a few pounds as a consolation prize. But no. (And I am not seriously asking for someone to explain this - I don't really want to know. This is a mystery that I don't care to solve. I'll just complain about it.)
Back to the holiday. I did really well this week in my opinion - I kept up with everyone for the holiday celebrations and managed to feel generally well with the help of the anti-sick meds. My house was full to capacity and I loved every minute of it. Everyone was supposed to head back to North Dakota earlier today, but North Dakota was closed today, so they are leaving on Sunday instead in the hope that it re-opens at noon.
I am currently wiped out and so am going to cut this short, but I will update more often now that the holiday craziness has passed. I hope that everyone had a great holiday week with friends and family and that a great 2010 is in the cards!
Carrie
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A Quiet Week
It's been a quiet week on the health front - but that's better than loud, right?
I was in and out of the office this week and working from home otherwise. It feels good to have structure back into my day - and raise my intelligence level back up from the reality daytime TV gutter in which its been wallowing for the past while. It was proven this week that interaction with real, live adults cannot be replicated by pre-recorded TV, no matter how often I talk back to Judge whomever. I don't know how many times I have told Flavor Flav and Ray J that they won't find true love with women named "Like Dat" and "Hot Cocoa," and yet they never listen. I am also sure that I can determine the cause of death of a homicide victim if the cause is blunt force trauma and/or asphyxiation (resulting in the tell-tale petechial hemorrhaging in the eyeballs). Thank you, CSI Las Vegas, Miami, and New York... and all the Law & Orders, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Bones, and First 48. I never thought that I, too, could become so paranoid.
Funny story about the crime shows... When I went into the ER a few weeks ago, this team of young doctors came in to check me out. They were asking about my symptoms and what had been going on for the past week, so I was telling him about my post-chemo weirdness and mentioned my conversation a few days earlier with the nurse.
"... and she said that as my rash wasn't elevated or annoying that it was probably petechiae from my blood vessels..." (or something like that).
"Hm." pause. "Do you have advanced medical training of any kind?"
"Me? No. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you threw out "petechiae" like it was nothing..."
"Oh... I watch CSI." (Duh.)
He snorted and the doctors found it hilarious. Apparently I'm the only one who gets their medical terminology from TV? Or maybe I was the only one dumb enough to admit it...?
On a completely unrelated note, I want to thank the developers of my new favorite food group - Jello. I keep waiting to get tired of the colorful not-really-food option in my fridge, but I don't. Oh sure, some Jello flavors are better than others, hence my six boxes of Peach and Berry Blue that are now on hand at all times.
Did you know... that there is a quick-set method for Jello which involved ice cubes?
Did you know... that if your Jello freezes in the fridge, it breaks down and gets watery?
Did you know... that Jello makes seasonal flavors such as Pina Colada and Margarita?
Did you know... that you can use Vodka in place of water for... wait... of course you know that.
On yet another change of topic - I go in for my third (!!) chemo treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th, which will officially put me at half-way done. I can't believe it is going so quickly. Every day I wake up and wonder if today is the day when I will notice another change. I pay attention to my energy level, to my nose sniffle, to how food tastes and whether or not it makes me queasy enough to warrant an anti-nausea pill.
I've found that so far it's really just a crap shoot - one day I feel great and think how ridiculous it is that I am staying away from germs and really have this "cancer" thing. Another day, like Friday, I pay for "maybe overdo-ing it a bit" and don't have the energy to keep my eyes open at 7 o'clock at night. Some days I can eat anything and everything in sight, while other days the very thought of food makes me cringe and Jello is the only thing that sits well in my stomach. It's strange.
I will try to update this a bit more often, as I think of random thoughts all the time, then forget them within a few days... I had at least five good ones for this entry, but can't for the life of me remember them now. I'll get back to you on that...
Carrie
I was in and out of the office this week and working from home otherwise. It feels good to have structure back into my day - and raise my intelligence level back up from the reality daytime TV gutter in which its been wallowing for the past while. It was proven this week that interaction with real, live adults cannot be replicated by pre-recorded TV, no matter how often I talk back to Judge whomever. I don't know how many times I have told Flavor Flav and Ray J that they won't find true love with women named "Like Dat" and "Hot Cocoa," and yet they never listen. I am also sure that I can determine the cause of death of a homicide victim if the cause is blunt force trauma and/or asphyxiation (resulting in the tell-tale petechial hemorrhaging in the eyeballs). Thank you, CSI Las Vegas, Miami, and New York... and all the Law & Orders, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Bones, and First 48. I never thought that I, too, could become so paranoid.
Funny story about the crime shows... When I went into the ER a few weeks ago, this team of young doctors came in to check me out. They were asking about my symptoms and what had been going on for the past week, so I was telling him about my post-chemo weirdness and mentioned my conversation a few days earlier with the nurse.
"... and she said that as my rash wasn't elevated or annoying that it was probably petechiae from my blood vessels..." (or something like that).
"Hm." pause. "Do you have advanced medical training of any kind?"
"Me? No. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you threw out "petechiae" like it was nothing..."
"Oh... I watch CSI." (Duh.)
He snorted and the doctors found it hilarious. Apparently I'm the only one who gets their medical terminology from TV? Or maybe I was the only one dumb enough to admit it...?
On a completely unrelated note, I want to thank the developers of my new favorite food group - Jello. I keep waiting to get tired of the colorful not-really-food option in my fridge, but I don't. Oh sure, some Jello flavors are better than others, hence my six boxes of Peach and Berry Blue that are now on hand at all times.
Did you know... that there is a quick-set method for Jello which involved ice cubes?
Did you know... that if your Jello freezes in the fridge, it breaks down and gets watery?
Did you know... that Jello makes seasonal flavors such as Pina Colada and Margarita?
Did you know... that you can use Vodka in place of water for... wait... of course you know that.
On yet another change of topic - I go in for my third (!!) chemo treatment on Friday, Dec. 18th, which will officially put me at half-way done. I can't believe it is going so quickly. Every day I wake up and wonder if today is the day when I will notice another change. I pay attention to my energy level, to my nose sniffle, to how food tastes and whether or not it makes me queasy enough to warrant an anti-nausea pill.
I've found that so far it's really just a crap shoot - one day I feel great and think how ridiculous it is that I am staying away from germs and really have this "cancer" thing. Another day, like Friday, I pay for "maybe overdo-ing it a bit" and don't have the energy to keep my eyes open at 7 o'clock at night. Some days I can eat anything and everything in sight, while other days the very thought of food makes me cringe and Jello is the only thing that sits well in my stomach. It's strange.
I will try to update this a bit more often, as I think of random thoughts all the time, then forget them within a few days... I had at least five good ones for this entry, but can't for the life of me remember them now. I'll get back to you on that...
Carrie
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Of All the Hair I've Lost...
Of all the hair I've lost, I miss my nose hair the most.
They're so useful, those little nose hairs. I've never paid much attention to them - nor have I appreciated how nice mine were. I know there's a small grooming division geared at nose hair - hence nose hair trimmers and scissors - and I have appreciated the fact that I've never needed to groom mine. I guess I can say I thought about that one day after watching a commercial for a nose hair trimmer.
When I lost some leg hair, I was pretty excited. I shave all that off anyway - a convenient quirk. When I lost my head hair, I was less upset than I thought I would be, but still kinda weirded out by the fact that I can compare scalp moisturizer with my friend's grandpa. But I can wear hats and/or wigs to work with that loss. The nose hair loss is another thing entirely. My nose runs all the time now. And they don't currently make fake nose hair that I can put on in the mornings - nor can I walk around with Kleenexes stuck up my nose.
*Sigh* It's the little things...
I DID leave my house today though!! This was an event. I even wore a sweater rather than a sweatshirt. I had to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity, and it went well. I went to the No Coast Craft-o-Rama at the Midtown Global Market, checked out the goods, and had lunch. I packed my hand sanitizer and Kleenexes so I would be prepared to enter a public place with potential cooties.
A quick note on the Midtown Global Market - if you live in the cities, I highly recommend checking it out. It's on Lake St and has a ton of food stands, crafts, global kiosks, live music often, global food shops - it's one of my favorite spots. (They also have free napkins at all their food spots - just as good as Kleenex...)
Overall, I've been feeling much better after my second round of chemo than after my first. I feel that the shot to boost my white blood cell count had a great impact on my ability to handle the treatment. I was more tired to begin with, but didn't get so sick. I was worried about my mouth falling apart again or catching the plague and ending up back in the hospital bubble. So far, so good. I have been much more careful this time as well, which had to help. The company I work for is awesome and allows me the flexibility to work from home as needed, so that has allowed me to stay inside and unexposed. As for the mouth sores, I rinse at least 5 times a day with a baking soda/salt mix and stay away from any food that could irritate it.
I just might be getting the hang of this cancer stuff... Hehehe. At this time last round, I was sitting in the hospital... now I'm sitting in my office! Success!
I did find something strange this week - I'm ok with it now, but it freaked me out at the time. (A quick warning that this may make surgery-queasy people a bit queasy...)
I was putting lotion on my port incision this week and felt what I thought was a small scab, so I figured I will pull it off as is consistent with my impatient healing tendencies. It was really small, though, and wouldn't come all the way off - only the corner. So I grabbed a tweezers and focused in to finish the job. But it still wouldn't budge - and it hurt. I moved in close to the mirror to check it out and noticed that the tiny little scab had frayed.
Frayed.
Like a string.
A string that was sticking out of my chest.
Which meant that it was attached to something in my chest.
I stopped and blinked a few times. I set down the tweezers and then visualized what could possibly be held together by this little string. My vein? The port? My vein to the port? Ugh. Great. What if my vein sprung a little leak because I was pulling on the string? What if the port suddenly came un- port-ed to the place it was port-ed to? Oh my gosh, am I getting a headache? Do people get headaches from leaky veins? I had to sit down.
I came to the conclusion 6 second later that I'm an idiot and it's nothing. But I will think twice before messing with small scabs again.
Random thought: I was watching a TV show on body modification where people get objects implanted under their skin, such as horns and crosses, so that their skin is visibly raised in that shape. My port raises my skin up about a square inch. I wonder if I could convince someone I'm into shaving my head and getting body mods?
Today, I'm dedicating a song to my nose hairs: Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got ('Till It's Gone)." It's a throw back, I know. But nothing conveys loss like an 80's rock ballad. So here's to you, nose hairs... until we meet again. (sniffle sniffle)
Carrie
They're so useful, those little nose hairs. I've never paid much attention to them - nor have I appreciated how nice mine were. I know there's a small grooming division geared at nose hair - hence nose hair trimmers and scissors - and I have appreciated the fact that I've never needed to groom mine. I guess I can say I thought about that one day after watching a commercial for a nose hair trimmer.
When I lost some leg hair, I was pretty excited. I shave all that off anyway - a convenient quirk. When I lost my head hair, I was less upset than I thought I would be, but still kinda weirded out by the fact that I can compare scalp moisturizer with my friend's grandpa. But I can wear hats and/or wigs to work with that loss. The nose hair loss is another thing entirely. My nose runs all the time now. And they don't currently make fake nose hair that I can put on in the mornings - nor can I walk around with Kleenexes stuck up my nose.
*Sigh* It's the little things...
I DID leave my house today though!! This was an event. I even wore a sweater rather than a sweatshirt. I had to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity, and it went well. I went to the No Coast Craft-o-Rama at the Midtown Global Market, checked out the goods, and had lunch. I packed my hand sanitizer and Kleenexes so I would be prepared to enter a public place with potential cooties.
A quick note on the Midtown Global Market - if you live in the cities, I highly recommend checking it out. It's on Lake St and has a ton of food stands, crafts, global kiosks, live music often, global food shops - it's one of my favorite spots. (They also have free napkins at all their food spots - just as good as Kleenex...)
Overall, I've been feeling much better after my second round of chemo than after my first. I feel that the shot to boost my white blood cell count had a great impact on my ability to handle the treatment. I was more tired to begin with, but didn't get so sick. I was worried about my mouth falling apart again or catching the plague and ending up back in the hospital bubble. So far, so good. I have been much more careful this time as well, which had to help. The company I work for is awesome and allows me the flexibility to work from home as needed, so that has allowed me to stay inside and unexposed. As for the mouth sores, I rinse at least 5 times a day with a baking soda/salt mix and stay away from any food that could irritate it.
I just might be getting the hang of this cancer stuff... Hehehe. At this time last round, I was sitting in the hospital... now I'm sitting in my office! Success!
I did find something strange this week - I'm ok with it now, but it freaked me out at the time. (A quick warning that this may make surgery-queasy people a bit queasy...)
I was putting lotion on my port incision this week and felt what I thought was a small scab, so I figured I will pull it off as is consistent with my impatient healing tendencies. It was really small, though, and wouldn't come all the way off - only the corner. So I grabbed a tweezers and focused in to finish the job. But it still wouldn't budge - and it hurt. I moved in close to the mirror to check it out and noticed that the tiny little scab had frayed.
Frayed.
Like a string.
A string that was sticking out of my chest.
Which meant that it was attached to something in my chest.
I stopped and blinked a few times. I set down the tweezers and then visualized what could possibly be held together by this little string. My vein? The port? My vein to the port? Ugh. Great. What if my vein sprung a little leak because I was pulling on the string? What if the port suddenly came un- port-ed to the place it was port-ed to? Oh my gosh, am I getting a headache? Do people get headaches from leaky veins? I had to sit down.
I came to the conclusion 6 second later that I'm an idiot and it's nothing. But I will think twice before messing with small scabs again.
Random thought: I was watching a TV show on body modification where people get objects implanted under their skin, such as horns and crosses, so that their skin is visibly raised in that shape. My port raises my skin up about a square inch. I wonder if I could convince someone I'm into shaving my head and getting body mods?
Today, I'm dedicating a song to my nose hairs: Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got ('Till It's Gone)." It's a throw back, I know. But nothing conveys loss like an 80's rock ballad. So here's to you, nose hairs... until we meet again. (sniffle sniffle)
Carrie
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